Friday, July 04, 2008

A Conversation I Never Thought I'd Have.

It's me, myself and I -- to hell with the world!

Those were the words that kept playing in my head after a conversation I had with someone I never thought I'd ever talk to about certain things. Those, my dear readers, are the words of my very wise professor, Mr. Eric Bugaoan.

It was like a big step for me to finally contact people from college to let them know I was still here. For months, I thought I would be able to just close that door and live my if nothing happened. But of course something did happen. I can't change that -- no matter how much I want to. It was as if fate made it happen. That after the long months I have been out of reach to these people, I would finally get the chance to talk to them again. Then again, I'd rather think that I made it happen. Not fate. I guess I was ready to open up to these people, which is why I finally decided that I reconnect with them.

I had meetings scheduled this afternoon. We are starting the traveler's guide to Boracay and since my boss is busy with the August-September issue of InFlight, I was put in charge on the guidebook. And since I was doing business out of the office, I met up with my professor after I did my errands. We met up at Powerplant, a place I haven't been to for a long time. Sitting comfortably by the corner in McDonald's, I caught a glimpse of the man I haven't seen since four months ago. My professor.

Never in a million years did I expect that I would be talking to my professor about the "incident." Maybe because I've always thought of him as my professor and just that. It never crossed my mind that he could simply be a friend I can talk to. True enough, he was that. Throughout our conversation, I didn't feel that it was really a conversation between a teacher and a student. We were just two people; a friend giving words of wisdom, words of encouragement to a friend in need. I may not have been too vocal as Sir Eric would have wanted me to, but Lord knows how grateful I am for the short time we have spoken to each other.

Everything he said made perfect sense. I've heard it from my parents before. Maybe I just suppressed it so much and hearing it once again just brought everything back. Tears were welling up in my eyes, just waiting for me to let it all run down my cheek. Sir Eric pointed out, I was selfish. I was too selfish to share the weight of the world; too selfish to share my problems. "Life is too serious to be taken seriously," he said. "It's me, myself and I -- to hell with the world!"

He was right! I cared too much of everyone else, I leave little or none at all for myself. I was too good of a person, he claimed. I needed to be a little meaner than my usual self.

After that talk, I felt like a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was finally the beginning of that closure I was looking for. I'm finally starting to make peace with others. And maybe by the time that ends, I'll be able to make peace with myself.

So here's my blog entry.

Dedicated to a professor turned friend.

1 comment:

  1. "The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But it is also simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the more real and truthful our lives become."

    Milan Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"