Saturday, May 30, 2009

This Month of May...

I wish this would be a happy blog entry. But unfortunately, it's really not. The fact of the matter is...this month of May is my worst month by far this year. Yes, I hate to say it -- but it's really the most depressing month I've been through. How so? Let me count the ways...

May 5-7
These three days were the most excruciating days! It was my first time to be confined in the hospital. I had vertigo, or to put it in medical terms, vestibular neuritis. It was absolutely horrific! To stay in the hospital and be so sick, it was unbearable.

May 20
It was the day my Sony Ericsson C905 got stolen as I was riding home on a bus from Makati to Pasay.

May 21
I couldn't work at all. I was still "grieving" over the loss of my SE C905. What's worse is that I got to talk to the thief who took my phone. I was practically begging for him to meet with me and give me my phone back. And he said, "Tumawag ka ulit mamaya. Pag-iisipan ko." And I did. But he never answered my calls again.

Three reasons why I really hate this month. Just three. But those were days I really broke down.
*Sigh* Good thing there are things to look forward to June, such as...
  • Mama and Papa's 33rd wedding anniversary
  • Cousin Paolo's 24th birthday
  • Alla's 23rd birthday
  • Kuya Miguel's 28th birthday
  • My first year anniversary at work

Saturday, May 16, 2009

A Letter of Letting Go.

I'm posting one of my old letters. I wrote this three years ago. While I was going through some of my old stuff, I found this and I thought I'd post it. Seems like it's just right to post it now. At this time.

This is a letter I will probably never send to you. What is left of my heart is in this letter, and if only it were as easy as to give you this letter, I would.

I cannot recall a more pleasant time since that day I met you. Everything felt so natural; it's hard for me to identify what it is about you that attracts me so. I suppose it might be the combination of your sense of humor, your charming personality and your good looks. Whatever it is, I can sense it. Call it chemistry, or better yet, the possibility that we are on the same wavelength.

There's just so much about you that I see in you. When I met you, as if by a God-sent blessing, I thought I saw a light of understanding. I wasn't like this before. Before you, I lived a peaceful life. I could go and return home and feel no trouble. But now, I feel I am a disturbed mind and soul.

The truth is...we have shared many good times together. I laughed with you and had some unforgettable moments with you. If only I could figure out why we are like this right now. But after much thought, after much contemplation, I've given in. I've resigned to what we really are -- two people with two separate lives. No more, no less.

Everyday, I am waiting for signs, which sometimes leaves me with hopeless expectations. Every move and every action you make, I interpret. I am like a fool watching every moment of you. So, I let you go.

With that, I say my farewell. I am letting you go. Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine. I choose to embrace it.

For the best.

Friday, May 08, 2009

From the Hospital and Back.

For those of you who were wondering why I haven't been online for the past couple of days, well, here I am to tell you what's happened.

Last Monday, I was about to go and meet my friend Nyx at Teriyaki Boy. But as soon as I started walking out of the office, I started to feel very dizzy. Everything around me started to spin. I had to stop and hold on to whatever it is I can get a hold of. I practically wobbled all the way back to my desk just so I can sit down and relax. I tried to open my eyes but I simply cannot focus on anything. So I called home and asked my brother to come and get me at work.

I started to vomit. Everything I ate, I threw up. Disgusting, I know but I couldn't stop. My boss saw me with my face all pale. She called Sir Art to help me get up and lie down on the sofa in the other office. My brother arrived and picked me up. I couldn't even walk. My officemates had to support my every step.

As soon as my brother and I got home, he helped me up to my parents' bedroom and let me sleep. I hoped that with just sleeping, the dizziness and the vomitting would finally stop the next day. I kept thinking about my pending work and what I'm going to do to get it done.

I woke up at 3:00 in the morning, still feeling dizzy, nauseous. I still couldn't see straight. My mom was sleeping beside me and I told her that I still feel sick. That's when they decided to take me to the Emergency Room at Manila Sanitarium Hospital. I wasn't aware of what was going on the whole time but I wasn't stupid either. After a check up on my blood pressure and temperature, I talked to a doctor who asked me about how I was feeling. After telling her what happened to me, she told the nurse to give me a medicine for my dizziness. Just that.

They let me stay for a couple more hours. The vomiting didn't stop either. Nurses and doctors saw me throwing up and nothing. They released me after my mom paid the bill. The doctor advised my parents that I should see an eye doctor and that was it. I was free to go. But as soon as we got in the taxi, I started to vomit again.

When we got home, I went back to my parents' bedroom and went back to rest. After lunch, my parents convinced me to go to Manila Doctors Hospital to get a check up with ENT. The drive from our place to the hospital was simply unbearable. I felt like I was going to vomit anytime.

When I got to the clinic, the doctor, Dr. Elmer dela Cruz said that I had vestibular neuritis. It was an inflammation of eye nerves. Right there, he advised me to be admitted to the hospital so he could observe my conditions. We agreed.

So there I was. For the very first time. In the hospital, confined. And I was there until yesterday.

Today, I'm feeling better than the previous days. Still advised to stay at home to rest until the rest of the week. My gosh! I can't wait to go back to work.

To those who texted me and called me up, thank you so much for the concern.