Right about now, I'm trying to live my life as quietly as possible. I'm trying to stay away from everything...from everyone, for that matter. All I want to do now is leave my past behind. I'm beginning to go to that place where I can live with myself.
As pessimistic as I am now, I still do believe that there are people out there who care about me. But I have to admit that I don't really want to see them yet. I can't face them yet. It's really hard to go through each day, not talking to anyone, not chatting with anyone, not sending emails to anyone. It's not as if I'm complaining.
It gets lonely. Really lonely.
But somehow, I'm getting the feeling...it's something I have to get used to. Not the state of being lonely. I meant not talking or seeing the people I want to see. If I want to have a clean slate, I have to do it myself. I have to do it with myself, first and foremost. If starting anew means leaving everyone behind for a while, then that's something I have to get by.
I have a feeling it's going to take months. And that's all right. My life is going to change, hopefully for the better.
My friends...well, I have a hunch that it's better for them not see me for the time being.