It's not easy. Waking up each day, remembering things you don't want to remember. Waking up before everybody else, just so you can cry whatever heavy feeling you are keeping inside, thinking that it's all over for you. Waking up every single day, not being able to smile, even if it's just a fake one.
I still wish things would have gone differently. I keep hoping that it turned out the way I really wanted to. I think about what happened before, hoping everything that happened was only a bad dream. But it seems that no matter what I do, no matter how I try, I have to accept the fact that it's all real.
Problem is...I can't.
Yes, I do acknowledge the things that have happened. Why wouldn't I? Everything that happened and all these things happening now are my doing. However, despite these things, it is still very hard for me to go forward...to move on with my life and be in that place where I can really be happy once again. Then again, how could I really go on living a happy life?
I still could not stop the tears from falling. Though I try so hard to not cry at all, this heavy feeling is just so overwhelming.