Ok. I admit it. I'm sad. I'm down. Lately, I've been feeling rather gloomy. And I guess it's just now that things are really showing why. Or in my case, it's just now that I've acknowledged that I am, in fact, depressed.
I was hanging out in Greenbelt after work. To get some peace of mind. Working from 9AM to 5PM without actually eating lunch, I have decided to give myself a break and eat something. So I hung out in Starbucks (wherelse would I be, right?), ordered a chicken club asparagus sandwich and brewed coffee, and sat on one corner of the coffee shop as I read some blog entries of random people.
Two particular blogs made a huge impact today. One from Lea Salonga, the other from Bo Sanchez. In Lea's blog, she says:
"Isn't it weird that there are people who are such a huge part of your life one minute, and then absolutely nothing the next?"
It was exactly what I have been wondering all along. I started to question what really happened. I wanted to know what went on. As if on cue, I read Bo's latest blog, which could possibly be the answer to the question that Lea has asked. He says:
"Warning: There’s a cruel epidemic afflicting our families, our marriages, and our friendships. It’s called the Relationship Drift.
It’s a very devious disease. It’s like some cancers. You really don’t know you have it until it’s fatal. And then it’s too late.
And then Relationship Drift becomes Relationship Dead."
As if by God-sent, this is exactly what I needed to know. The truth of the matter is this: there are people in my life who I haven't spoken to or haven't seen for quite some time now and it's making me sad to see that we can't even make time to just talk.
So here's my way of reaching out to those people:
To my kuya
Kuya, I feel that there's something you want to tell me but given our busy schedules and time difference, we don't have much time to just talk. I wish you were here again. I wish we could do what we've done before -- where we go out, hang around, and talk about what's happening in our lives. I miss you so much that it's making me so sad, I wish you hadn't gone to the US.
To my bez
Bez, it's always different when you and I share what we need to share. Two years have passed us by and still, I can't get over the fact that you're back home in the States and I'm right here. I miss the times when you and I could meet up at the coffee shop and let our feelings out. There's so much I want to tell you and even though I can always email you, I just keep wishing you could be here because I need a shoulder to cry on.
To my anak and my bru
The three of us are here and yet we can't even make time to see each other. It's been months now and I hate the fact that we have yet to see each other. Are we really so busy with our work that we can't make time for us to catch up on things? We can't even be online at the same time. What has happened to us? I need you guys. I need your comfort.
To my friend
It's really a wonder how at one point we talk for almost the whole day and all of a sudden, we don't even acknowledge each other when we see one another. What's happened? What's wrong? Why is it that out of the blue, there is an inexplicable silence that distance us from one another? I'd like to think that both of us are just too busy -- but at the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if we are really that occupied with work that we've decided to just not talk to each other. I hate to say it but I'm starting to miss back then when we bug each other -- even during work.
It pains me. It really does. My life has suddenly become too quiet for my own liking.
Let me feel your presence again. Let me know you're there. Let me be happy once again.