Disclaimer: This entry was first posted in my previous blog, Paper Trails.
Do you know what it is like to look up into the velvet night sky, and yet not see the stars? Do you know what it is like to see the song birds sing their sweet music, and yet not hear their sound? Do you know what it is like to feel your heart inside you, and yet not feel it beat? Do you know what it is like to be in a crowd of people smiling, laughing, sharing their love together, and yet be all alone with no one around? Do you know what it is like when the light of your life has been extinguished, and you are left in absolute and complete darkness, frightened and alone? Do you know what it is like when the one you love so deeply and dearly is so far away? Your heart cries out their name and yet there is no reply.
All you want to do is hold them in your arms, and you cannot. All you desire to do is to kiss their sweet lips, and you cannot. You long to hear their soft sweet voice as they whisper words of love to you, and you cannot. You just want them near, and they are not.
Their absence brings with it frustration and sadness. You curse God that you cannot be with the one you love, and yet you thank Him completely for bringing that person into your life, all the while knowing that no amount of dreams and hopes and prayers, can, at once, change the situation - the situation that is in the hands of the God that you curse.
So, what do you do in such times? How do you keep your wits about you? How do you maintain some semblance of normal life, when all you can do is think about the person you are so in love with and that you would do anything or give everything just to be with? You feel lost somewhere between the cruel reality of life, and the dream-like fairytale that you wish to live in, and the only salvation is to be found in the arms of your beloved and that cannot happen.
Friends cannot comfort your soul. Thoughts only make the pain in your heart worse. What do you do? You think about them - how you think about them endlessly! You pray to God for the strength to see it through this situation, knowing that someday you will be with that person forever. But is that enough? No. Not always. Until you are in their arms, nothing really helps.
The mind is a whirlwind as your thoughts are tossed around like matchsticks in the wind. But the one thought that is all constant and eats away at the core of my soul is a simple one: "When will I hear from you again? Will I ever hear from you again?" Such silly thoughts are these. But time can cause such thoughts to occur. It is only human. I am only human.
And so, I wait. For how long? Only time and God can tell. And as I wait it seems as though the hands of the clock move in reverse instead of forward. Each second that passes seems as an eternity away from you. Time takes you further away from me instead of bringing you closer, and time is something that is beyond our control.
To be an angel and have wings that I may fly into your arms at this very second. To taste your sweet kiss and feel your warm embrace. To love you, to have the pain of needing you, vanish in your arms, as would snowflakes on a summer day. And to know that we would at last, be together for all our days. Days spent lost in sweet heavenly love, such as we have never known.
How is it that love can be so wonderful, and yet hurt so badly? Such pleasure in knowing and feeling your love for me, and such mortal pain in being apart from the one that I love so deeply, so dearly, so passionately.
There is an old saying that applies to being away from something. It goes, "Out of sight...out of mind." But, my love, every "old saying" has an opposite meaning. In this old saying it is also said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," and just when I think it is not possible to be more in love with you, a second ticks off the clock, and I discover that I am more in love with you than ever before.