Yes, it's the month of February now. And since 2006, I've been feeling what I've always felt when this month arrives. I've got the February blues, an obviously unwelcome feeling. I don't like being sad for no reason at all. I don't think anybody does. Then again, I might be feeling sad because there's something to be sad about.
I used to look forward to Valentine's Day. I remember back then I'd always do something special for my parents and some friends. I'd give them a little something on Valentine's Day just to show I was thinking of them on that special day. I even had my very first date (albeit a group date) on Valentine's Day. So, yes, in a way, my expectations for V-Day have transformed from a simple day to be spent with family to a special day I get to spend with someone equally special.
But along the way, I found myself spending the day of hearts with a couple of friends, along with their respective partners. I hated the feeling of being the "nth" wheel in the group. It's terrible! I always end up wishing the fateful day wouldn't come so I don't have to feel like this. I end up asking myself, "Do I join my friends so I wouldn't feel alone or to be humiliated to be seen with them as the only one who doesn't have a date?"
This year, I told myself, I wouldn't be sad come February. But somehow, even in my greatest attempt to focus on my happiest thoughts, I can't help but be a little down. Friends of mine are starting to talk about their plans for February 14 and I admit, I am a little jealous. I'm jealous at the fact that they'd get to spend that one day (despite the day being too commercialized) with that one special person.
So here's the main reason why I'm sad during this time of the year...
I miss that feeling of going through the motions. I want to feel excited and nervous and happy and giddy all at the same time again. I miss preparing myself for a date -- dressing up, putting on a touch of blush, slipping into those pair of shoes specially reserved for special occasions.
I may not look like I'm hoping for it...but somehow, I do wish it will happen to me.