I shouldn't be feeling restless. In fact, I should be very busy. But somehow, I'm not. I guess it's because I'm burned out. After months of nothing but work, I finally felt how exhausted I really am from the work I've put in the magazine. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely in love with my job and I wouldn't trade my place with anyone at this point. Unless, of course, that person is the ever-so-wonderful Lea Salonga, then that would be a different story. Hahaha!
The realization just hit me that after a year of working, I have yet to take a vacation. And by vacation, I mean, no worries about work and just plain relaxing. I did plan to use my vacation leave last month but things kept piling up for work that I couldn't possibly go.
So here I am blogging about how tired I am. But then again, I shouldn't really be dwelling on my exhaustion. The real reason why I'm blogging is because I want to make my day productive, to say the least. So that I can go to sleep tonight thinking that I did something worthwhile. Yes, I consider blogging worth my while. It is after all a way for me to vent out whatever it is that bothering me or just share with those who read my blog my emotions.
It's nice to know that I'll always have this blog. Because I can always release whatever is inside me, even if I'm too shy to talk to my family about this or if I'm sad that my best friend is thousands of miles away from me and I can't just go to her.
I've noticed that I haven't really given myself time to relax. Oftentimes, I say I'm going to take a break...only to be followed by me opening my laptop and start working. It's really hard to let go of work. Just last week, I had an impromptu lunch with an old college professor. The first thing he asked me as we were catching up was "Where's your boyfriend?"
And my response was "No time for boyriends, Sir."
I got my share of criticisms about that response. He was, to say the least, appalled. It was as if it was a horrible, tragic news. He kept thinking why after my 23 years of existence I am still without a boyfriend. If I didn't know any better, he's writing a book about why women are single and I'm the subject for that book.
- Too busy with work
- Too choosy with guys
- Very high standards
- I isolate myself
- Just blind to see who's really into me
That's just on top of his head. And my response to those five reasons would be these...
Too busy with work. It's not that I only want to work. But there's just a lot of things going on in the office, I barely have time to think for myself let alone entertain the thought of dating. It's not that I don't want to go out on a date. The reason behind it also is that...no one has asked me out and therefore, no date can be arranged.
Too choosy with guys. Like I've mentioned earlier, no one has asked me out. So how could I choose if there's no one to choose from, right?
Very high standards. I beg to defer. I don't have very high standards. What's wrong with looking for a guy who doesn't smoke? Who goes to church every Sunday? Who is my opposite in terms of personality? That's not too much to ask. I just haven't met anyone who "fits the bill." In Steve Harry's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, he wrote about how women have the power over men in terms of...he wouldn't hold your hand if you won't let him; he wouldn't kiss you if your won't let him. So why in heaven's name would a woman relinquish that power just so she could "get some"?
I isolate myself. Ok, so I admit -- I'm a home buddy. But I make sure that once a week, I get together with friends just to hang out. But the thing is, there aren't really any guy friends to get together with. As a matter of fact, I only have one guy friend I get together with and he's one of my closest guy friends. As for my other guy friends, well, not much time to hang out with them. If they're not so busy, they're with their girlfriends...so no luck there.
Just blind to see who's really into me. Oh gosh! I assure you...no one's into me. I give you my word. Guys generally see me as "the best friend" material. There has yet to be a guy who can muster up the guts to even ask me out on a date. If there's such a guy, let me know. Hahaha!
Anyway, I better go. I'll continue my random blogging in my next entry.