I have been wanting to blog for the longest time and it is only now that I am getting the chance. And the truth is, it's not exactly how I wanted to start my blogging year. Because at this very moment, I am feeling quite... Well, I don't exactly know how I'm feeling.
I guess it's that time of year. You know, the February blues. There's really something about this month that makes me go, "I want this month to end, let's just skip to March." I don't think I'm the only person who feels like this. I bet there are a few people who's going through the same thing I am. It's just that I choose to express myself through my blog.
Funny how at this point, I feel like there's something I'm missing. Or maybe someone. I don't know. It's all... Well... Distorted.
I've been going through some of my old letters. And I found this. It's not addressed to anyone. But it was written around two years ago and I find myself drawn to it. Maybe by posting it on my blog, I can breathe a little easier.
o O o
When I think about it long and hard, I may be able to admit that I'm starting to miss you. So maybe I should just stop thinking and do something else. But then I remember someone saying that the saddest part of life is keeping one's self busy and pushing one's self to the limit all day -- but at the end of the day, after doing everything to forget, you end up where you are: in the very same position you're trying to escape.
I'm serious when I tell people, I've always wanted to be free. Free to go anywhere, without a care, and just have some fun. Then again, somewhere deep down, I wish to be owned. I hope to be held. I yearn to never be let go of. It is my heart's desire. And I guess it is only now that I could get the chance to let it out because I know I don't have to explain myself to anyone.
But I believe in waiting. As the saying goes, "The value of waiting is a value of a lifetime. If we know how to wait, life shall be easy because God knows what to give us in the right time."
Let me go back to the point of this blog. I miss you. And I'm kind of hating myself for feeling this way. It's true, I miss you. I miss our chance meetings, our usual conversations, our unlikely bonding moments. I miss how you tease me, how you make me laugh, how you give me something to look forward to each day.I miss the days that I just couldn't stop smiling, the times that I would stop what I'm doing to absorb everything. Most of all, I miss the smile that creeps up my cheek when I get to see you.
So let me live for the moment. I hope to see you... Soon.