Chasing Pavements.

For the past few days, I have been singing one song -- whether out loud or in my head. There is only one song that's stuck on me and I have absolutely no idea how I am going to get it out of my system.

A song by British soul artist Adele, "Chasing Pavements" was inspired by an incident that happened to her at 6 o'clock in the morning, after having a fight with her former boyfriend. After finding out that her boyfriend cheated on her, she went to the bar he was at and punched him. After being thrown out of the bar, she ran down an empty street, alone. At that point, she thought to herself, "What are you chasing? You're chasing an empty pavement."

I don't really know why, but this song just had this significant impact on me. It's not as if what happened to Adele also happened to me. But somehow, upon learning the lyrics, I felt that I can relate to the song.

I've made up my mind,

No need to think it over,

If I'm wrong, I am right,

Don't need to look no further,

This ain't lust, I know

This is love but...

The first stanza is all about knowing exactly how you feel. About something. About someone. It is being sure of yourself that no matter what any other people say, you are undeniably in love.

If I tell the world,

I'll never say enough,

Cause it was not said to you,

And that's exactly what I need to do,

If I end up with you...

I love the second stanza. This is the part where I just felt absolutely, in love, so to speak. She's right. It's not enough that I'd go telling the world how I really feel because I'm not saying it to the person face to face. Sometimes, when you feel this overwhelming feeling inside of you, you just have to say it to him.

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

The chorus asks the most important questions. What exactly am I doing? If I go on feeling this way, if I continue being like this -- being in love -- is it really worth it? Even if there is a chance that the feelings will not be reciprocated by the one you're holding on to?

I build myself up

And fly around in circles

Wait then as my heart drops

And my back begins to tingle

Finally could this be it?

This, for me, says something about... Falling without even expecting it. You go on with your life, going about your usual routine and then it just hits you. Everything then changes when you get to that point when you feel that... That's it.

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

This is truly one of the most beautiful love songs I have ever heard. I am not kidding. Every word of it, the mere melody of the song... It moved me. As if I am really the one singing the song.

February Blues is Back.

I have been wanting to blog for the longest time and it is only now that I am getting the chance. And the truth is, it's not exactly how I wanted to start my blogging year. Because at this very moment, I am feeling quite... Well, I don't exactly know how I'm feeling.

I guess it's that time of year. You know, the February blues. There's really something about this month that makes me go, "I want this month to end, let's just skip to March." I don't think I'm the only person who feels like this. I bet there are a few people who's going through the same thing I am. It's just that I choose to express myself through my blog.

Funny how at this point, I feel like there's something I'm missing. Or maybe someone. I don't know. It's all... Well... Distorted.

I've been going through some of my old letters. And I found this. It's not addressed to anyone. But it was written around two years ago and I find myself drawn to it. Maybe by posting it on my blog, I can breathe a little easier.

o O o

When I think about it long and hard, I may be able to admit that I'm starting to miss you. So maybe I should just stop thinking and do something else. But then I remember someone saying that the saddest part of life is keeping one's self busy and pushing one's self to the limit all day -- but at the end of the day, after doing everything to forget, you end up where you are: in the very same position you're trying to escape.

I'm serious when I tell people, I've always wanted to be free. Free to go anywhere, without a care, and just have some fun. Then again, somewhere deep down, I wish to be owned. I hope to be held. I yearn to never be let go of. It is my heart's desire. And I guess it is only now that I could get the chance to let it out because I know I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

But I believe in waiting. As the saying goes, "The value of waiting is a value of a lifetime. If we know how to wait, life shall be easy because God knows what to give us in the right time."

Let me go back to the point of this blog. I miss you. And I'm kind of hating myself for feeling this way. It's true, I miss you. I miss our chance meetings, our usual conversations, our unlikely bonding moments. I miss how you tease me, how you make me laugh, how you give me something to look forward to each day.I miss the days that I just couldn't stop smiling, the times that I would stop what I'm doing to absorb everything. Most of all, I miss the smile that creeps up my cheek when I get to see you.

So let me live for the moment. I hope to see you... Soon.