When...?

As you may have noticed, I'm back to my old blogging habit. It's not as if I wanted to. Most of the time, I find it hard to blog about things. But this is the only thing I could do to let my feelings out, other than talking to the poeple I know.

Until this very day, I'm staying away from them. Until this very day, I don't have the courage to face them, let alone, talk to them. I'm even scared to log in my Yahoo! Messenger. But I'm adjusting to it. This "alone time" that I'm having. This, I believe, is something that I really need. Everything is not yet in place for me...and I still need some time to figure things out on what I'm going to do.

I know one thing is for sure. All I really want to do now is to cry. So I could let everything out. It helps to cry about it. Since I cannot put into words the hurt I have caused myself, I just want to let all these pains out by crying about it. But, of course, I can't cry. Not when my parents are here. Not when my brothers are at the corner of my eye. I still have to keep it all in.

How I wish I could be in that place in my life where I don't have to hide. I wish I could be in that place where I can go out to face everyone and honestly say, "I'm happy."

When will I get there?