From Sulking to Smiling -- to Sulking Again.

I was down.
And then I was happy.
And then I was down again.

I'm sorry -- I just can't seem to keep smiling the whole day through. If anything, I can only smile for a few hours. And I'm sorry if I could only put on a fake smile.

It's just not the same anymore. I've lost the will to smile. I don't exactly know how it happened -- I just did. I have succeeded in putting on the mask to hide from everyone how I really feel. But it's starting to hurt me inside. It's starting to make me want to break down and cry it all out.

For the past week, I have been feeling depressed. I have shared with you the reason why. So when my officemates from LEP said that there's a Halloween costume party scheduled on Friday, I decided to go. I wasn't really planning to, but what the heck, right? Let's face it, I needed to have fun, and spending time with my officemates is a sure way to make me laugh.

So I went. I dressed up as a little pink fairy -- complete with fairy wings and fairy tiara. I called myself "Pink Tinkerbell." It worked. I was partying with my officemates, eating food with them, taking pictures with them -- I was having fun.

And then I had to go home. As soon as I changed back to my regular clothes, I suddenly lost the smile.

Let me just end this post with one thought. Because right now, I just want to lie in my bed and stare into nothingness. If lucky, I may even cry.

It's weird...
when you go from being strangers to being friends.
Then suddenly...
back to being practically strangers again.

It's clear to me now why I'm feeling this way.
I just hope -- I can get back up soon.

Birthday Aftermath.

Let me just start this blog entry by thanking everyone for making this year the BEST birthday I have ever celebrated. It was certainly a day to remember. For those of you who don't know, let me just give you a rundown of what transpired during my 23rd birthday...

I prepared a mini-handaan for my officemates from the LEP and InFlight departments. Pancit bihon, fried chicken, mechado and blueberry cheesecake. I made sure that everything was good for 25 people (although we're less than 20 in the department). I was very happy to hear that everyone enjoyed the food and even had enough to let other people get a taste. I distinctly remember people from other departments giving me a praises for the great food. Apparently, because of this I was told by everyone that I'm so ready to be married. Hahaha! As if I've never heard that before. Cooking is, and will always be, a passion of mine. Fret not, this is not the end of home-cooked meals from yours truly.

Although my birthday was a very busy day for me as I had to pull out clothes from Nullah and make sure everything's been handed over to Sir Jocas for their Batanes flight the day after, April 13 was a very eventful day. To my officemates, I love you all to pieces but let me just say, you certainly are a crazy bunch of people! How do I put this in a way where people can clearly visualize? Haha! What you made us do (and by "us," I mean me and Van) is by far the most insane thing ever! The commotion you've caused by your paparazzi moments! Hahahaha! You just wouldn't let up...not give up at all! Hehehe...

Hahaha! I admire your tenacity, LEP people! No, I'm not mad. For sure, it was one of the "highlights" of my birthday celebration. But you've managed to make me blush until the time I went to meet my family to celebrate my birthday with them. Kudos to Van for being a sport at a time when they were ganging up on us.

Here's the real deal...it really was the best birthday ever! Everything was beyond my expectations. Not in a million years did I imagine to have a birthday celebration like this.

So to everyone, thank you all so much for giving me a birthday that's so much more than what I bargained for. I only asked that my special day will be filled with lots of laughter and lots of love. What happened was so much more than I could have ever expected.

Thank you!