Parchment and Quill

Happy Birthday, Bez!

2011-04-08T06:35:00.002+08:00

My 25th Birthday Wishlist!

2011-04-02T23:33:00.001+08:00

In less that two weeks, I am celebrating my 25th birthday. Normally, a month before my birthday, I would post my wishlist. This year, on the the other hand, I find myself having a hard time coming up with this list. And I realize it's probably because a lot of the things I'd like for my birthday aren't tangible. But after much thought, I was able to come up with some of the things I wish to get on my special day.

No more waiting. Here's my birthday wishlist for 2011:

Tweet Sering's Astigirl novel. She's one of my favorite bloggers/writers of all time! Idol!

I love dresses! I love skirts! I love everything girly...:)

I also love unique accessories I can wear for work and for hanging out...

Speaking of accessories, can someone please please lease give me a "Maggie" necklace?

Make up is something I really love to buy whenever I go shopping. I usualy buy my cosmetics from Beauty Treats :)

With make up, of course, there has to be make up brushes! Suesh makeup travel brushes please. Haha!

Two of my favorite scents: Chance by Chanel and Elizabeth Arden's Green Tea

Bags! I absolutely love them! And Longchamp bags are really the nicest bags!

I have been dying to eat at Fat Michael's Place! Someone please treat me here...

There you have it, folks! My birthday wishlist. That's really all I could come up with. Hahaha! Did I forget anything?

Well, actually, there is another thing...

Two years ago, I posted an "all-too-impossible" wish for my birthday in my blog. Maybe I should post one again this time...

This year, all I really want to happen on my 25th birthday is that I get to receive the biggest surprise of my life. The biggest surprise that I can actually end up crying tears of joy. I've had great times every year when I celebrate my birthday. For one time only, I wish I could have that surprise. That would make my 25th birthday the single most wonderful day of my life.

Mission Silver.

2011-03-17T06:31:00.003+08:00

I am a woman on a mission.

In less than a month, I am celebrating a milestone in my life. My 25th birthday, to be exact. Yes, in just 27 days, I am turning the big 2-5 and I honestly cannot wait until I do. Some say that turning silver isn't really that big of a deal. Well, I'm not some of those people and for me, it is a big deal.

Let me tell you why...

After work, I went out with a very good friend of mine, Tracy. We decided to meet up in SM Mall of Asia and just hung out. After going around the mall, we ate dinner at Gumbo and talked about what we usually talk about -- our love lives. Well, more specifically, her love life and my lack of it. At that time, there was a band playing. They're called Rewind and they're playlist were songs from the '90s and early '00s. And by some twist of faith, Tracy managed to convince me to go and sing with the band. I tell you I was almost blacking out, I couldn't even remember how I got up on stage with the band.

I was able to sing two songs. A miracle, considering I'm just supposed to sing one. The first song was Monica's "Angel of Mine". At first I was really scared. But as the band kept on playing, I was able to find my rhythm and was able to sing. It was like an adrenaline rush for me. And when the crowd applauded after I sang, it felt really, really good. And they asked an encore. So for the second song, I sang The Braxtons' "I'd Still Say Yes". It's one of my all time favorites! And singing it just made me feel somehow special.

At one point during that time, I realized how much I've done and how much I still want to do when I turn a year older. I'm turning 25... And I want to celebrate 25 years of my being happy... 25 years of living a happy life.

I realized I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a party -- share that one moment with dearest friends. I don't need to spend so much for a big party. I just want to be with the people I love and let them know how much I appreciate them for being with me throughout the years.

Yes, I am a woman on a mission.

On a mission to have a party to celebrate my 25th birthday!

The countdown begins!

Chasing Pavements.

2011-02-09T06:48:00.000+08:00

For the past few days, I have been singing one song -- whether out loud or in my head. There is only one song that's stuck on me and I have absolutely no idea how I am going to get it out of my system.

A song by British soul artist Adele, "Chasing Pavements" was inspired by an incident that happened to her at 6 o'clock in the morning, after having a fight with her former boyfriend. After finding out that her boyfriend cheated on her, she went to the bar he was at and punched him. After being thrown out of the bar, she ran down an empty street, alone. At that point, she thought to herself, "What are you chasing? You're chasing an empty pavement."

I don't really know why, but this song just had this significant impact on me. It's not as if what happened to Adele also happened to me. But somehow, upon learning the lyrics, I felt that I can relate to the song.

I've made up my mind,

No need to think it over,

If I'm wrong, I am right,

Don't need to look no further,

This ain't lust, I know

This is love but...

The first stanza is all about knowing exactly how you feel. About something. About someone. It is being sure of yourself that no matter what any other people say, you are undeniably in love.

If I tell the world,

I'll never say enough,

Cause it was not said to you,

And that's exactly what I need to do,

If I end up with you...

I love the second stanza. This is the part where I just felt absolutely, in love, so to speak. She's right. It's not enough that I'd go telling the world how I really feel because I'm not saying it to the person face to face. Sometimes, when you feel this overwhelming feeling inside of you, you just have to say it to him.

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

The chorus asks the most important questions. What exactly am I doing? If I go on feeling this way, if I continue being like this -- being in love -- is it really worth it? Even if there is a chance that the feelings will not be reciprocated by the one you're holding on to?

I build myself up

And fly around in circles

Wait then as my heart drops

And my back begins to tingle

Finally could this be it?

This, for me, says something about... Falling without even expecting it. You go on with your life, going about your usual routine and then it just hits you. Everything then changes when you get to that point when you feel that... That's it.

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

This is truly one of the most beautiful love songs I have ever heard. I am not kidding. Every word of it, the mere melody of the song... It moved me. As if I am really the one singing the song.

February Blues is Back.

2011-02-06T16:15:00.003+08:00

I have been wanting to blog for the longest time and it is only now that I am getting the chance. And the truth is, it's not exactly how I wanted to start my blogging year. Because at this very moment, I am feeling quite... Well, I don't exactly know how I'm feeling.

I guess it's that time of year. You know, the February blues. There's really something about this month that makes me go, "I want this month to end, let's just skip to March." I don't think I'm the only person who feels like this. I bet there are a few people who's going through the same thing I am. It's just that I choose to express myself through my blog.

Funny how at this point, I feel like there's something I'm missing. Or maybe someone. I don't know. It's all... Well... Distorted.

I've been going through some of my old letters. And I found this. It's not addressed to anyone. But it was written around two years ago and I find myself drawn to it. Maybe by posting it on my blog, I can breathe a little easier.

o O o

When I think about it long and hard, I may be able to admit that I'm starting to miss you. So maybe I should just stop thinking and do something else. But then I remember someone saying that the saddest part of life is keeping one's self busy and pushing one's self to the limit all day -- but at the end of the day, after doing everything to forget, you end up where you are: in the very same position you're trying to escape.

I'm serious when I tell people, I've always wanted to be free. Free to go anywhere, without a care, and just have some fun. Then again, somewhere deep down, I wish to be owned. I hope to be held. I yearn to never be let go of. It is my heart's desire. And I guess it is only now that I could get the chance to let it out because I know I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

But I believe in waiting. As the saying goes, "The value of waiting is a value of a lifetime. If we know how to wait, life shall be easy because God knows what to give us in the right time."

Let me go back to the point of this blog. I miss you. And I'm kind of hating myself for feeling this way. It's true, I miss you. I miss our chance meetings, our usual conversations, our unlikely bonding moments. I miss how you tease me, how you make me laugh, how you give me something to look forward to each day.I miss the days that I just couldn't stop smiling, the times that I would stop what I'm doing to absorb everything. Most of all, I miss the smile that creeps up my cheek when I get to see you.

So let me live for the moment. I hope to see you... Soon.

Farewell, 2010! Hello, 2011!

2010-12-31T23:07:00.001+08:00

The clock is ticking and in a few hours, we are welcoming yet another year.

Funny, I didn't realize how fast 2010 passed by. It seemed only yesterday that I am celebrating the New Year with my dear family. Next thing I know, here I am again, waiting for the clock to strike 12 to say hello to 2011.

I am absolutely thankful for the year that was! No doubt about it. 2010 has given me so many experiences to remember. A lot of laughs, a lot of tears, a lot of stress, and a lot of surprises. Everything about the past 12 months, I am very grateful to the Lord. I cannot thank Him enough for letting me go through it all so I can become a better person.

For the year that passed, I am thankful for...
1. Lakbay Norte. Eight destinations in seven days... Need I say more?
2. Monthly Francisco gatherings at Lola's house. Every month is just absolutely fantastic! Thank you, Lola, for cooking the best foods ever!
3. My 24th birthday. While my celebration wasn't a three-part party like last year, I still had a wonderful time celebrating with my loved ones.
4. My second year anniversary at work. When June came, it wasn't just me celebrating another year in the magazine, it was definitely a joyous time because it was also the time I was promoted.
5. Going places. Literally! Whether for work or for leisure, I was happy that I get to travel.
6. Family bonding sessions. No matter how busy we are in our own work, I am so thankful that my family and I always have time for each other.
7. Starbucks GB3. Seriously, I don't think the year would have been the same if the partners aren't there. Thank you for the many treats!
8. Weddings. I've attended weddings of the people I am close to... And it was such an honor to witness the love they've shared with their better halves. Thank you for making me part of your wedding.
9. Christmas with the Francisco clan. Christmas with the Franciscos will forever be great! I always look forward to celebrating the holidays with the whole Francisco clan. This is what it really means to celebrate.
10. New people. This year, I have gained new friends. A lot of new friends. And simply for that, I am absolutely grateful. I thank God for letting me meet these amazing people who have made my life more colorful.

So what's in store for me in 2011? I have absolutely no idea. But here are a couple of things I am looking forward to...
- Kuya Rom and Ate Liza's wedding
- Trip to Batanes
- Lola' 92nd birthday
- My 25th birthday
- My third year anniversary in InFlight magazine
- Mama and Papa's 35th wedding anniversary
- Trip to Australia

2011, I claim you will be a year of my prayers answered! I leave it all to God.

Thank you, 2010! You've been great. To 2011, here's to a beautiful year ahead.

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The truth about 'hanging out'

2010-11-09T02:17:00.006+08:00

I woke up about 30 minutes ago for who knows why and unfortunately, I can't go back to sleep. I'm still hoping that after I've done this blog post, I'll be able to go back to sleep.

Hmm... So what can I blog about? My brain is still in a very sleepy condition so bear with me if I'm not making sense in this post. I truly am sorry if at this rate, I am wasting your time with nonsense.

Oh! Ok, now I have a topic. It's not really something I would really want to blog about but hey, it's better than nothing, I guess.

So yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with a good friend of mine. Interesting because it's a conversation that had me trying to convince her that I know what I'm saying and I know what I'm actually doing.

She asked me: "What's the difference between hanging out and going on a date?"

I admit, it was a little hard to answer the question only because I didn't really know how to explain it properly. But whenever I get asked if I'm dating somebody, I always say no. It's true, I'm not dating anybody. I haven't been dating for the past two years. BUT -- yes, there is a but -- I do hang out.

People these days, they think that just because a guy and a girl go out, it automatically means they're dating. Well, folks, sorry to burst your bubble. But there is a big difference between "hanging out" and "dating."

When my friends ask me if I'm dating this guy, I immediately say no. Because we're really not dating. We're simply hanging out. We hang out because our meet ups are usually spontaneous, unstructured, even. We invite each other to doing things that don't necessarily involve romantic feelings whatsoever. That, in my opinion, is hanging out.

A date, on the other, well -- call me old fashioned, but for me, a date begins with a formal invitation, like "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" It's planned, it's structured.

When dating, it usually means that two people have this ongoing, exclusive relationship. Hanging out is more ambiguous; it doesn't connote exclusivity.

I say I hang out with a guy because we share time together. I'm not saying that when I'm hanging out with someone, it won't lead to dating. I'm just saying that at this point, this is what we do... We hang out. I mean, who knows, maybe in the future, after spending much time together, an attraction builds up between two people and ultimately, that will lead to dating.

What can I say, I'm really a very old fashioned person. Is there anything else I should be explaining?

That, my friends, is the truth about "hanging out."

Ok, time to hit the sack again.

Early bird random blogging.

2010-11-02T05:28:00.004+08:00

I have been awake since 4 o'clock in the morning and even though I should just go back to sleep and wake up at 6am, I opted to turn on my computer and log in my blog.

November. Yeah, it's November already. I'm still in a bit of shock at how fast time goes by. In just 53 days, Christmas is already here and yes, I am already thinking of my Christmas wish list. And I will be posting them some time soon. Hehe.

The past month has been interesting, to say the least. It's been a good month, actually. Despite being the very busy person that I am, it's amazing that I have made time to go out and just hang around some places. No, unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to out-of-town trips since I've a lot of things to do in Manila but I still had my moments of going out and just relax.

I'm very excited about this month. Really, I am. I'm excited that I'm seeing my friends again and go to dinner with them to catch up on stuff. I'm excited that I'm going bowling with my other friends soon. I'm excited to attend to my friends' wedding in less than three weeks. And most of all, I'm so excited to go to that out-of-town trip that I have been hoping for since my birthday!

I was looking back at my blog on my to do list when I turn 24 and it's just hilarious! I look back and say to myself, "What the hell was I thinking when I did this?" Hahaha! Here's an update...

1. Go on a trip on my own --> doing it on November 27-28

2. Organize my closet --> I've been cleaning my closet every week

3. Buy one gadget I really love --> Not yet, but SOON!

4. Watch a play --> Cats is love... Hehehehe

5. Go to a spa --> Aaack! No, I haven't done this...

6. Start writing a book --> Maybe not yet the right time. I don't even have a clue how to begin

7. Reconnect with a childhood friend --> I have! But that needs a repeat...

8. Go on a weekend retreat --> By end of the month...

9. Swap books with a friend --> Yep yep yep

10. Start a travel blog --> I couldn't find the time to start this one... Tsk tsk... Or maybe I shouldn't start a travel blog... Maybe just another blog... Hmmm....

11. Buy a friend coffee --> Done this too... Hehehe

12. Buy a new pair of shoes --> This year, I bought 3 pairs of shoes since January

13. Try out a new cuisine --> Done. But where to, next?

14. Record an album --> Hahahaha! I can't believe I actually did this... check out my acoustic sessions 1 and 2

15. Ice skate at the SM Mall of Asia ice skating rink --> I live like 5 minutes away from MOA and yeet I haven't done this. That is bad.

16. Go bowling --> Doing this in two weeks

17. Go out of town with friends --> Haven't done this... Who wants to go out of town? Hehe

18. Wear my knee-high boots --> Haha! Not in season...

19. Go somewhere abroad --> Was supposed to but had to postpone till next year... Oh well...

20. Take random pictures everyday --> Ok, I wasn't able to do this everyday, but I do take random pictures

21. Have a flatter tummy --> Tsk tsk, I think I got bigger. Must have flatter tummy by January!

22. Hug a friend --> Who else wants a hug from me? Hahaha!

23. Go on a photo shoot and be the model --> Hehe, as much as I'd like to do this, I haven't...

24. Go on a date --> Seriously, what was I thinking? A date? I haven't done so in 2 years...

Well, I should be getting ready. Till my next blog entry... Soon, I promise.

Finally back to blogging.

2010-10-30T04:06:00.002+08:00

I realized it's been over two months since my last blog entry. And while I would really like to post an entry, I am either very busy with work that I don't have time to log in to my blog account or I am so tired from working that I am absolutely blank whenever I would open my blog. Yet here I am, at six minutes after four o'clock in the morning, ready to blog after a few months hiatus.

I have missed blogging. I've missed it a lot! I miss having to write without any templates or word count or anything. Everything just free flowing. I should really do this more often.

Earlier last month, I had recorded another set of acoustic session with my friend, singing a couple of my favorite songs like "Baby I Love Your Way", "More Than Words", "If" and "Forevermore". To listen to all the songs I've recorded on my second acoustic session, visit my Multiply site. I hope you like listening to it as much as I have enjoyed recording the songs.

You know what's funny? Recently, I've heard from my officemates that I look different. In a good way, from what they tell me. They said I've looked prettier than before, that there's this positive aura around me. I don't know how they could possibly think that, since I feel that I've been stressed out the most this month. The past few weeks have been so hectic, I can barely remember what day it is. And in reply, I would always tell them (jokingly, of course), "Anong kailangan nyo ha?" *Sigh* I don't think I'll ever get used to getting compliments like that.

Hmmm... Right now, I'm watching Criminal Minds. Oh how I love watching these kinds of TV series. It's all so intriguing!

So today's a Saturday and I don't really have an idea on what I'm going to do. I know that at some time today, I need to go out to buy groceries. I just need to decide where -- Mall of Asia or Landmark. After the grocery shopping, I intend to have some R&R! I don't know how yet but I just want to get some well deserved rest!

Time to log out now, but rest assured, I will be back.

Ciao!

Even in dreams, I sing...

2010-08-18T05:36:00.002+08:00

Just this week, I've been waking up at 5am. Not that I set my alarm on that time, I just do. And I've noticed that I'm more inclined to blog at this time. I guess it's because I haven't started anything yet, so I could think more.

But here's the real score. I had a rather weird dream. I always say weird when the dream involves me and a guy. Hahahaha! I don't know why, it's just a little strange for me to have those kinds of dreams. Oh the dreams when I've eaten something delicious for dinner. Hehehe...

I was in a restaurant with a group of friends. We were having dinner, having lots of laugh, enjoying the band on the stage performing. Out of nowhere, the band called my name to come up on stage and sing with them. After much prodding from my friends, I got up and felt this sort of adrenaline rush inside. I ended up choosing the song "I'd Still Say Yes" by The Braxtons (This is probably because I've been listening to this song for the past couple of days now). I could hear my friends cheering for me (This scene is oh-so-familiar).

After I sang, I went back to my friends and laughed at the whole thing. And then I hear one of the guys from the band calling my other friend to sing with them. To all our surprise. He got up, went to the band and said, "Mags, for you." The song: "Single" by Anoop Desai (This is one of the most current songs I've been listening to in my iPhone for the past two weeks). And I just loved the way he sang the song. It truly melted my heart.

And after he sang...

I woke up. Damn, I don't know what happened next. Hehehe...

Well, maybe next time. But right now, I need to get ready for breakfast.

Ciao,

Random Thoughts of a Single Girl.

2010-08-17T05:50:00.003+08:00

Lately, I've been talking to my cousin Ate Kriselle about weddings. Not only because my brother is getting married in January but also because she and her long time boyfriend will be tying the knot by late next year as well. And though I love discussing with her about receptions and themes and souvenirs and all the wedding stuff, I guess it could not be helped that my status as a single girl would come into place.

She asked me the funniest question last Sunday: "May boyfriend ka na kaya pag dating ng kasal ko?" I would have loved to have said yes to that question but the fact remains that I don't know and frankly speaking, I don't really care.

I don't care in the sense that I don't want to think about it every now and then. If and when I get a boyfriend, then that would be great. If not yet at this time, then it's fine.

So I've never had a boyfriend. Big deal. I'm not the only one who's like that. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of other people who are even older than I am who are still single. So there isn't any insecurity there, knowing that I am not the last single girl in this world.

Of course, people would then point out that I am partly at fault since I don't go out on dates. Hey, if I could, don't you think I would? Truth is, I'm not like the some people I know who would go out on a Friday night, have a drink with friends and then get asked out by a guy they barely know. More than that, I'm not the type of girl who would ask a guy out. That is just one big NO to me. Even if people say that's the "in" thing nowadays, to me, that is just not going to happen.

When it comes to finding a relationship, I believe in time taking its course. I'm not in a rush. I'm enjoying being single. The feeling that I only have to answer to my parents whenever I have to go elsewhere for work. The feeling of serenity that I don't have a "lover's spat" going on. I guess you could say, I still have much to enjoy as a single girl.

But yes, at times, I would think about "the boyfriend." I would like to take care of someone, I would love to cook for him, go shopping with him, go on dates with him, all that stuff. How could I not think about him if I'm being surrounded by people who talk about their better halves? I would love to be in a relationship, yes. In due time. In God's time.

I acknowledge that there are definitely ups and downs of being a single girl. But I wouldn't let the down side of it make me depressed or let the up side of it get to my head. Right now, I'm enjoying what I'm doing -- work. And somewhere along the way, I know that there's one person who would sweep me off my feet. But for now...

I'd like to enjoy my life... not sharing it with someone. I'd like to enjoy my being single.

Do you know that saying?

"Being single isn't bad. What is bad is giving up hope on finding that someone special."

Till then, dear readers.

Morning Blogging.

2010-08-16T04:46:00.003+08:00

It's a couple of minutes before 5am and even though I've got a lot of things in mind, I'm just so glad that I'm able to blog. Many times, I've wanted to blog about certain things only to stop logging in because I've got tons of work to do.

I've always appreciated waking up very early. It allows me to think clearly. I get that sense of peace I'm supposed to have. Not that I'm bothered or anything. But it's good to have that time of day where you can just breathe a little easier.

So what do I have to blog about? Oh! I think it was only yesterday I actually realized I may have a future in wedding planning. Hahaha!

You see, my oldest brother is getting married and I've basically been assigned to take care of the details. Not that we don't have a wedding coordinator, we do. But since my brother and his fiancé are both in the States, I'm doing a lot of the nitty gritty stuff -- which I don't mind. I love doing it. We've already got the date, the motif, and the church down. Soon enough, we'll get the wedding reception finalized.

As odd as it may seem, it's kind of a natural thing for me to do, the whole wedding planning. I know what to do, where to call, what looks good, what's more practical. It wasn't until yesterday when my cousin told me, "pwede mo maging sideline 'yan." And it actually made sense. Given my connections, I could make it a sideline. So maybe I should build up my portfolio on this. Hehehehe. Hmm... Now that's something to think about.

I should probably prepare. What to wear today, my stuff for work. Now it's coming to mind the things to do. Haha!

Ciao!

Going Acoustic.

2010-07-04T08:27:00.002+08:00

Yesterday morning, I got an invitation from a friend from theater class (way back when) if I'd be interested to come by her place for some acoustic session. Having had a rather stressful week, I accepted the offer and went all the way to Las Piñas.

I got to her house around 10:30 and since I got there, we went ahead with singing whatever songs we could actually think of.

After six hours of non-stop singing (from me) and guitar and piano playing (from her), we were able to record 20 songs. Wow! Hahaha! I'm proud of what we did. Didn't really plan on doing this ever, but I'm really happy of what we came up with.

Basically, the songs we came up with are some of our all-time favorites, rendering our own versions, at least, trying to be as original as we can be with the songs we've grown up to hear.

I hope you have fun listening to these songs, as we've had so much fun recording them.

Maggie Goes Acoustic.

Stressed.

2010-07-02T04:46:00.003+08:00

I have been awake for almost an hour. As much as I'd like to go back to sleep, I couldn't. The heat is too much and my mind is already thinking of what I have to do for the day. It's just not right.

Truth is, I've been stressed a lot lately. With work, with online classes, with other stuff that I dare not say in this blog. What I can say is that stress and frustration is not combination you just don't want to have at once. I told myself that I wouldn't blog about being so stressed but I needed an outlet. The stress has subsided a bit but I'm still feeling a bit wired up.

It's not all that bad. Just that it's one of those days that I'm not feeling up and about. But things will be looking up pretty soon -- at least, I hope so.

In Dreams, I Love. In Reality, I Wait.

2010-06-19T20:36:00.002+08:00

For the past few days, you have been visiting me in my dreams. And it's not that I wish you'd stop. I hope you wouldn't because I always seem to be very happy when I'm with you in my sleep.

I feel like I've known you for a while. Because by the way we act around each other in my dreams, I could only summize that we have been friends for the longest time. I wouldn't be comfortable with you holding my hand if we haven't been close friends.

A simple smile from you can make me blush. Your infectious smile gives me the comfort of knowing how much I mean to you. As if that smile was just for me. When you hold my hand, you make me feel like you will never let me go in your life. How is it possible that you can make me float on air by a smile and a touch?

Whenever I need a hug, you would give me the most comforting hug I could ask for. And I love hugging you. I wrap my arms around you and call you my teddy bear. How I love calling you my teddy bear. When no one's looking you'd bury your face in my hair and you'd whisper sweet nothings to my ear. Do you know that you can make my heart skip a beat every time you do that?

You have this balance of confidence and humility that people admire. How could anyone possibly miss it? The ladies can't get enough of you and the guys wish they'd be like you. Yes, you're that kind of guy. But how humble you are... That's what makes me love you even more.

You're both serious and funny. You crack me up with your sense of humor. No matter how corny your jokes could be, you still make me laugh. But when the need arises, you're serious and you focus on things that matter, on things that need to be done.

You're such a handsome guy, you know that? Your vanity is amusing. You're the type of guy who looks good in everything he wears. As if you've put a lot of effort into thinking what you'd wear the night before. One of your traits that I find very much endearing.

You look after your health. Being healthy is important to you because you want to be that somebody who your kids can enjoy spending time with until you grow old.

Do you know what's even more amusing? It's that... We can talk about anything and everything without holding back. Whatever we'd feel, we say it. Your honesty is admirable. We can talk for hours non-stop and still, we'd never get tired of listening to the other speak.

But you are definitely more than all those things I've mentioned. You are a God-fearing man, you're selfless, and you are loving. Your faith in God is inspiring, encouraging. You treat people with respect, no pretensions. Most of all, you love... Unconditionally.

It seems like in my dreams, I'm different. A good kind of different. Because with you, I could sing like I've never sung before, I have the courage to face the fears I couldn't face, I think of my future with you. In my dreams, you and I share the same passion in life. We help each other out, both of us striving more so we could have the future we've always wanted. You and I love each other. Not for any other reason... We love each other just because we do.

God is in the center of our lives.

Our families are the most important people in our lives.

Finding ourselves in each other is a gift from above.

I may not know who you are. Not yet, anyway. But rest assured, you'll find me and I'll realize you're the one. Because God meant it to be that way.

For now, let me love you in my dreams. And I will wait for you until the day we finally meet in reality.

Oh, the dream...

2010-06-17T21:46:00.003+08:00

Here's a funny thing. At times, you are absolutely clueless on what to expect when it comes to life. More so, you'd never know what to expect when it comes to love. Truth of the matter is... life and love will always throw you curve balls. And it's up to you to either strike out or hit a home run.

Lately, I've been having this recurring dream of being in love with this wonderful guy. In my dreams, we would walk around places holding hands, and him kissing my hand whenever he gets the chance. And when no one is looking, I'd hug him so tight and call him my "teddy bear". In my dreams, he would put his arm around me to give me that sense of comfort I've been longing for. The sound of his voice soothes me, there was that assurance that he'll be with me all the way. I could go on and on about how the dream replays in my sleep for the past few days. But the bottom line is that...it was in my dreams that I felt that "romance" I have been longing for.

Longing. Probably because I've never been in a "romantic" relationship all my life and I yearn to feel that "hopeless romantic" phase in my life. Yes, the dreams may say that I am longing for that one relationship that could maybe "complete" me.

I don't know who the guy is. All I know from that dream is that he was perfect... perfect for me, that is. And God knows that I pray that in due time, I'd meet him soon.

It's crazy. The truth is, one day, I'd like to wake up one morning and realize that I have fallen in love. I'd like to go through every day looking at the man who has made me feel this way, thinking how happy he has made me feel. Having that knowledge that I can spend the rest of my life with him. Knowing that I never have to worry about losing him because I am secured. One day, I'd like to know... just by looking through his eyes.

Blogging Again.

2010-06-11T04:34:00.003+08:00

It sure has been a long time since I last logged in my blog to post an entry. Too many things have happened over the past two months -- both good one and bad -- and I'm sorry I wasn't able to share those happenings with those of you who read my blog.

But I'm back and I'm sure going to update you on what's been happening.

It's past 4 in the morning and though I'm not writing any articles for work at the moment, I had to wake up early to arrange the stuff I need to bring to take to today's photo shoot. Yes, there's another shoot happening and before I go to the studio, I have to go to Western Bicutan in Taguig to pick up something. But hey, no complaining here. At least I don't get to spend hours and hours stuck in the office. Hehehe.

But you see, that's not exactly the real reason why I woke up so early. I'm supposed to have about 20 more minutes before I got up from bed. But I had this dream that has been recurring for the past week. And maybe it's my wishful thinking, that's why I've been having the dream I've been having.

I have to admit that it is a wonderful feeling that this dream brings to me. But whenever I wake up, it always makes me wonder... who it is that I am with in my dreams. It's frustrating -- not to see the face of the one I am with in those vivid dreams.

Suddenly, I am reminded of the "Dream of Me." Perfect song. At least for this moment. I will share with you the dream I had...

For now, let me leave you with this song...

On Going 24...

2010-04-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

In just a couple of hours, I will be turning another year older. I'll be 24 soon as the clock strikes midnight. Well, okay, if we are to consider the exact time of my birth, then I'd have to say that I'll be 24 years old by 5:20 in the morning, hehehe. And so, another year will pass and a new year will arrive.

I've been going through my blog entries for the past year, along with my journal I have here in my room, and I have to say that the past 12 months of being a 23-year-old are the most memorable! When I turned 23 last year, I have to admit -- I didn't expect much. At the back of my mind, it's like I didn't really have anything to look forward to, except for family gatherings. But then, things fell into place that I never imagined. I went to Davao twice, I sang in front of an audience a couple of times, I went to 8 destinations in one week... and so much more!

Of course, it wasn't all about fun. When I turned 23 last year, I knew that I had a bigger responsibility, not only to myself but also to my family. Oh the responsibility. A lot of times, I am anxious about getting so much responsibility at work and at home. But at the end of the day, I realize that these responsibilities aren't just handed to me for no reason at all. People trust me. People have confidence in me that I can do it. And for that, I am grateful.

If I give you reasons why I am so grateful for the past year, I can only summarize them in three words: family, friends, work. I don't think I can be this grown-up without them.

You know, oddly enough, it's the first time in my 24 years of existence that I actually feel like I've really turned a year older. Before, birthdays didn't have this much impact on me, just because I felt that there's really no change when celebrating birthdays, except that it's a new number you write on paper when you're asked for your age. But then, this feeling of going on 24, I actually feel different. Good different. In the sense that, age is not just a number now. It's about taking in all those experiences you've had the year before and looking forward to the future.

Yes, in a couple of hours, I will officially be 24 years old. Celebrate with me. Smile, have fun, eat a slice of cake for me.

Happy birthday to me!

Birthday Surprise to Bez: Part 2!

2010-04-09T14:11:00.001+08:00

Create your own slideshow design

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEZ!

2010-04-08T01:39:00.000+08:00

24 Things to Do When I Turn 24.

2010-03-06T12:17:00.003+08:00

Here I am again, making yet another list. I'm turning another year older soon and I've been thinking of the things I want to do when I turn 24.

Go on a trip on my own (Batanes? Palawan? Marinduque? Hehehehe...)
Organize my closet (Need to get rid of some old stuff to make room for new ones)
Buy one gadget I really love (Come on, laptop!)
Watch a play (Cats! Lea Salonga! Here I come! Hahahaha)
Go to a spa (Because I seriously need one)
Start writing a book (Because I think this would be the best time to write something that I hope will get published one day)
Reconnect with a childhood friend (Ate Iris, we seriously need to see each other soon!)
Go on a weekend retreat (It's something I do every year)
Swap books with a friend (Since I don't really have the time to go out and buy them, hehe)
Start a travel blog (It's something I've been thinking about since last year)
Buy a friend coffee (Just one good deed to do for someone)
Buy a new pair of shoes (Something to wear for special occasions, hahaha!)
Try out a new cuisine (Hmmm...Where to?)
Record an album (Just for fun, hehe)
Ice skate at the SM Mall of Asia ice skating rink (It's been far too long since I did this)
Go bowling (Because I miss it already)
Go out of town with friends (Because we need a break from work)
Wear my knee-high boots (Probably when the rainy season comes)
Go somewhere abroad (Since I'm having my passport renewed this month)
Take random pictures everyday (It's a hard feat to accomplish but I'm going to do it)
Have a flatter tummy (Because I really need to)
Hug a friend (Just because)
Go on a photo shoot and be the model (Calling Wacky? Hahaha)
Go on a date (Hopefully with someone I really like)

I can do this, yeah!

Ciao,

38 Days. A Wishlist.

2010-03-06T00:29:00.007+08:00

In just 38 days, I will be celebrating my 24th birthday. Oh yes -- I am turning a year older in a little over a month and I can't wait till that day comes. I don't know what's come over me that I'm looking forward to my birthday with so much excitement. I guess I'm just very much grateful for all the blessings I've received for the past year that I have no doubt that this year is just going to be as great, if not greater, than before.

So, for today, I am posting my birthday wishlist.

clothing apparel

Most of you know that I love clothes! And yes, it doesn't really hurt if I want some more of nice clothes. And right now, I'm really loving the styles shown above. Hehehe.

colored stockings

Suddenly, I've been getting to urge to buy colored stockings. I was thinking of leggings but when I once wore leggings, I didn't like the feeling. Hahaha! Weird, I know. But I really like the colored stockings when I saw them.

Maybelline cosmetics

I absolutely love Maybelline cosmetic products! And if the giver would think what Maybelline product I'd like, I hope to get the Maybelline Clear Smooth Minerals B.B. Cream, or Maybelline Perfect Concealer or the Maybelline Pure Foundation Mineral.

The Body Shop

Obviously, I like mineral cosmetics since it's smoother, more natural and long-lasting than regular make up. From The Body Shop is Nature's Mineral Cheek Colour and I have to say, it's absolutely divine!

Starbucks tumbler

When did the Starbucks tumbler ever leave my list? Hahaha! I just love collecting them. No, I don't have lots of it. I have two. But I wouldn't really mind adding another one to my "collection."

The Bridges of Madison County

It's absolutely one of my most favorite romance stories of all time! Ever since I watched it when movies were still on VHS tapes, I just fell in love with it. Now, The Bridges of Madison County DVD is a must-have for me. I've been looking for it everywhere and can't find a copy. Always out of stock. Can somebody please buy this one for me?

Fly Shades

I recently lost my one and only pair of shades of 5 years during a trip with friends so now I'm hoping to get a new one. The Kelly or Mackay shades from Fly Shades are really nice.

Shoes

Shoes will forever be a part of my favorite things! I'm running out of footwear with heels so I'm hoping to get a pair or two. Hahaha! Nice flat sandals would also do. They need not be from Fifliarina or M. Nicole. They just have to be comfortable shoes to wear. Shoes that don't break easily. Hehehe. Remember, I'm a size 9.

Perfumes

Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker and Elizabeth Arden Green Tea are two of my favorite perfumes! Though I'm currently using Lancome's Oui, I do hope that I'd get either of them. Hehe.

Necklace

I've had my "Margie" necklace for two years now and I love every bit of it. This may be a little over the top...but can I have a necklace that says "Maggie"? Hehehe... I really want to have that.

Well, there you go. My birthday wishlist...

Hehehe...

I can't wait till I turn 24!

Ciao,

4:55 AM.

2010-02-25T04:55:00.003+08:00

I woke up at 3:00 in the morning when I heard three clicking sounds coming from my iPhone. Yeah, I'm a light sleeper these days. Those three clicks actually meant that someone was sending me a message via my Yahoo! Messenger. Somebody was "kind" enough to wake me up so early in the morning. Hahahaha! You're such a good friend. Hehe. Going back to sleep was hard. And so, after 30 minutes of unsuccessful tries, I have decided to turn on my laptop and do some research for work. And now, I am blogging.

Yesterday has been pretty eventful. Tons of work, as usual, but I could still manage. I was prepping up for an interview I had to do for the magazine. Truth be told, I was fidgety for fear that I might be a loss for words -- considering my interviewee for the day was Borgy Manotoc. I had that anxiety that I might run out of English words while talking to him. Hahaha! Fortunately, the interview went really well.

It was actually fun interviewing Borgy. There were interviews I did before that just felt like it was an interview. My encounter with Borgy was like a casual conversation. It helps when the topic you're talking about is something you're also pretty much familiar with. It would have been hard to interview him if all I had about the topic of our interview was research-based.

Hmm... I should really get some rest. I've been experiencing headaches since two days ago, which won't seem to go away despite drinking mefenamic acid. Maybe it's because I've been waking up so early in the morning. Oh well...

Ciao!

Random Blogging.

2010-02-19T15:30:00.006+08:00

It's 3:30 in the afternoon on a Friday and surprisingly, I'm not that swamped with work like the past few days. Today, I am totally aware of the time -- which meant that I actually ate on time. When I got back to the office, not so much happening. I've a lot of things to write, yes, but nothing to stress about. It's actually rare that I get to be so...un-busy. Hehehehe.

So ok, here I am blogging. Looking over my shoulder from time to time, cautious that someone might see me logged in my Blogger account. Haha! I look at my to-do list for the day and five out of five things I list down I'll do have been highlighted, which means I have finally done the task. Wow! Seriously, I don't get to experience this often since I started working. Oh well, might as well enjoy the "free" time.

All right. We're about to end the second month of the year, and believe it or not, things are already going so much better than what I had planned it to be. I guess the realization just hit me when I got back from my trips to wherever. Haha! Two months in, and already I've made a lot of new friends, been to nine destinations already and have gone out with friends for four times. I'm loving it!

Work, as always, has been super hectic, of course. Lots of schedules, lots of interviews, lots of things to do. They say, it's all about time management. Well, as a dear friend once said, "It's not time management. It's the art of eliminating tasks." Thanks to him, I think I've gotten the hang of eliminating tasks. Hehehehe...

Now what? Well, ok...this may seem a little over-the-top, but in 53 days, I am celebrating my 24th birthday! Crazy, right? I admit it. But hey...I'm just really excited about turning a year older. There's something about turning 24 that makes me really ecstatic to celebrate. Like last year, I will be preparing a mini buffet for my officemates. Hehe. I already have a menu in mind but let me keep it to myself. I don't want to spoil the fun for my officemates.

When I turned 23 last year, I told everyone that it's the best -- and I do mean the best -- celebration so far! And I have this feeling that this year's going to be even better than the last. This early on, my mom has been telling me of her birthday wish for me. For some, you might know what that wish is already. For those who don't, just wait till it's my birthday. Then I'll tell you all about it. Hahahaha!

Let me take this time to express my gratitude to the blessings that have happened to me for the past two months. Some of the wonderful blessings I have received are:

Getting the DVD special collector's edition of one of my all time favorite movies, Forrest Gump ("Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.") -- I swear, this has got to be the most expensive gift I've gotten from anyone outside the family
Celebrating Mam Delza's and Ms. Mons' birthdays at Cafe La Carmela with the LEP and InFlight family (Yeah, it was definitely a blast!)
Pepper Lunch date with Jan and Det (The monthly bonding moments commence...when's our next date?) -- Who's next? Jan? Where to? Hehehe...
Bonding sessions with Alla and Euki (Let's get together as much as possible, all right? Hehehehe... you know I miss you terribly!) -- When's our next date, girls? Haha!
Lakbay Norte (This is one of the biggest highlights of my first two months in 2010! The best experience, so far!) -- I've gained new friends and I can't wait to see them soon. When's our next night out?
Getting free Starbucks drinks for two separate weeks (Oh I just love the iced soy caramel macchiatto!) -- Just before I went to participate in the Lakbay Norte media tour and just as I am about to go to another business trip, I am getting my favorite customized drink! Oh how wonderful it is to be a regular in Starbucks!

Yes, yes, yes! I am definitely one happy person. Hahahaha! Despite not celebrating Valentine's day (because I opted to celebrate Chinese New Year with the family), everything's great!

All right, it's time to go back to work.

Ciao!

Before Working.

2010-02-11T07:07:00.003+08:00

It's past 7 o'clock in the morning and I am on standby for my editor's email. Just last night, I have been told to do an interview with Victor Consunji for our InPerson department. It's one of the departments I don't handle. Interviews are usually done by my editor. But due to some conflict in schedule, she has passed on the responsibility to me.

I was surprised, honestly. Surprised because I didn't feel like I could really do so well interviewing for the InPerson. But my editor's vote of confidence really gave me the boost I need: "Peanuts lang yan sayo."

So right now, I'm prepping myself for the stuff I'll be doing for the day. Interview, transcribe, write, write, write. Hehehe. In general, that's what I'll be doing.

Ok. I need to go and do some ironing now.

Ciao!

A Letter of Realization (Part 2)

2010-02-10T21:24:00.002+08:00

Disclaimer:
After work, I have decided to go to the park by myself so I could reflect on some things. Maybe it's really the Valentine season that's getting to me. I am feeling quite emotional. Pardon my being dramatic at this point. I just feel like letting it out.
To the ones who have found their heart's desire, may this letter help you realize the love you have for that someone.
To those who are confused, let this be your strength to work up the courage to say how you really feel.
To those who are still looking or waiting for love, let this letter guide you into finding the one whom you will give your love to.

o O o

Dearest,

Words cannot describe what goes through my mind when I think of you. It makes me wonder how someone can think of one person almost every single second, minute and hour of every day.

You are truly amazing in every way -- the good and the bad. There was a time when I just didn't think it was possible for me to feel like this again. How do you say "thank you" to the person who has just given you the chance to fall in love again? It is something I thought would never touch my heart, my soul and my mind so deeply.

It seems difficult to express my gratitude to you, with whom I have shared cherished moments. "Thank you" seems so small in comparison to the world you have shown me. Even though these were just a few stolen hours, my world is forever changed.

But... I sit here and ask myself how it is possible for two people who care so much about one another find it so hard to just move forward.

I have experienced both love and what I thought was love, and found pain and hurt. The real definition of love... is you. You have given me everything and more. All those times we shared with one another is breathtaking.

My problems, which you have not caused, are but small deteriorating objects that escape my mind when you comfort me. You respect me, you understand me, you help me become a better person.

You brought out the real me... the person who has been shut away from her feelings, worrying too much about others rather than herself, neglecting what means the most. The friendship we share is like no other. You look our for me. Helping me each day with the patience I need with others. If I fall, you are right beside me to lift me up.

Right now, I need you to help me understand where I stand in your life. Sometimes, you leave me confused with your actions. It makes me crazy, when it really should be giving me unconditional happiness. I just need you to tell me what is and what isn't.

I want you to know... regardless of what you feel or don't feel... to me, you will always be the one who took time out of your life to show me how much I have missed. You are the remedy to my pain. You made my heart whole again, mended it with your thoughtfulness, your kindness, your well-being.

We were once strangers... but now, we are part of each other's lives. Thank you for stepping into my life.

Thank you for being the guy who took my breath away so easily.

A Letter to the One I Fell in Love With...

2010-02-09T21:52:00.003+08:00

Disclaimer: I guess Valentine's Day is starting to take its toll on me. I have been listening and singing to love songs the whole day. I was wandering around the park by myself and this is what I came up with afterward.

To the one I love,

At this very moment, I am thinking of you. How you are right now, where you are right now, what you are doing right now. Most of all, I think about who is on your mind right now.

Looking back, there are some things in my life that are definitely bound to happen. And whatever I do, I am utterly incapable to control them. Every day of my life, the sun will always rise and set, the tide will come in and go out at all times, the seasons will forever change. Somehow, I feel so contented by this...because there are many other things in life that are so short-lived -- so momentary.

From that very moment we met, I knew that our friendship will develop into something lasting and precious. I believe that God has blessed us. We are two people, fated for everlasting happiness. In truth, you have become the brightest star of my life, bringing me light in this dark world.

Just as a poet needs inspiration to write a masterpiece...
Just as an artist needs a subject for his work of art...
Just as a composer needs a theme to create a timeless melody...
I need you.

Without you, my life would be empty of all inspiration. There will be no work of art for me to gaze at, no person of greatness before me, no timeless melody to listen to. My life will only exist in shades of gray instead of vibrant colors...and I will be less than whole.

In the past, the proper words would have escaped me, and my innermost feelings would have been kept locked away in the depths of my heart. No more...

It is important for me to express to you how much you really mean to me. I wish I could do this in person as I wrap my arms around you and gaze into your eyes. But since miles of emptiness physically separate us, this expression must come in the form of letter.

I must admit, it is difficult for me to be separated from you for so long. Life seems to be full of trials of this type, which tests my inner strength, and more importantly, my devotion and love for you. After all, it is said that true love is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, if it is genuine, it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence.

My love for you has been assaulted many times, and I am convinced that it is true because the longer I am away from you, the greater is my yearning to be with you again. You are my devoted prince, and I, your princess. I cherish any thought of you, prize any memory of you that rises from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when our physical separation will no longer be.

I have lived for a long time responsible for no one, answering to no one and committed to no one except myself. During this period of my life, I considered the world mine for the taking and truly believed that I was living life to the fullest. Then you came to the picture, and suddenly, I realized that I was deceiving myself.

I am incomplete in need of wholeness. I find that my life is not all that I thought it was. In fact, it is terribly lacking in many things, the foremost being love. Now, through some great fortune, I have found that love and along with it, the one person who can make my life truly complete.

You are that person, and I have somehow fallen hopelessly and undeniably in love with you. To be honest, I never thought I would ever utter those words, but now, they come forth effortlessly and with great sincerity. I'll be forever grateful to you for showing me just how shallow my life was. At last, I have a chance to give it depth and purpose.

I wanted to tell you this in person, but I knew the proper words would escape me. I write this letter instead.

Until then, I remain totally yours in thought and spirit.

What a way to start my Wednesday.

2010-01-20T03:51:00.002+08:00

It's almost 4 o'clock in the morning. I've been awake since 2am. Not that I had anything to do really. Weird dreams have taken over my subconscious recently. It's like I'm awake the whole time. My mind's so exhausted. Now that I'm awake, I might as well, blog a little. I haven't been able to update my blog since the new year begun. Sad. It wasn't as if I didn't want to. More like, I didn't really have the time. Ever since I got back to work, everyday has been so busy. I'm practically swamped. You know that feeling where you thought you've already finished and then here comes the new things to do? Yeah, that's basically what I'm going through. But hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. Been having a blast most days.

Now, about the dreams. I don't know why but I've been having these dreams with people from the office in those dreams. And every time I wake up, I always think, What the hell? It wasn't a nightmare. But yeah, it's just weird. To be with my officemates half of the day is great...but when the same people are in your dreams, kind of makes you wonder why. I don't know if I should go into detail. I'm still in the phase of processing everything. My gosh! It's like I have my own television series. Officemates, stop visiting me in my dreams! Hahaha! Maybe I'll post the dream after. Hehe.

So now what do I do? It's impossible for me to go back to sleep. My mind's so awake.

*Sigh*

The Year that Was and the Year Ahead.

2010-01-01T01:57:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year to one and all!

As I bid 2009 farewell and say hello to the new year, let me look back at some of the memorable experiences that happened to me for the past 12 months.

New Year celebration with the family -- cooked Arroz Valenciana
Loricer mini reunion -- a night filled with lots of laughter and reminiscing with my high school batchmates
Celebrating Chinese New Year with friends -- I will never forget Jan eating the taro puff!
Tito Bert's homecoming -- had weekly get-together with the family; celebrating his birthday and Lola Bait's birthday at Legends Restaurant
My 23rd birthday -- what I could only describe as the MOST AWESOME BIRTHDAY I could ever ask for! 3 separate celebrations in one week: with officemates, with family and with my barkada
Singing in front of a crowd -- it was one of the most unexpected things I've done ever since! Haha!
Kuya Rom and Mama celebrate their birthdays -- even though Kuya is in the US, we still managed to celebrate his birthday by eating at Mei Lin Chinese Restaurant. Meanwhile, Mama turned 60!
Mother's Day celebration at Super Bowl of China -- another memorable family gathering with the Franciscos
Mama and Papa's 33rd wedding anniversary -- all expenses paid date for Mama and Papa: overnight accommodations in Hotel Celeste, dinner date at David's Tea House, lunch at Amici with me and Kuya Miguel, coffee at Starbucks
Tita Connie, Tito Monching and Tina visit the Philippines -- bonding time with my balikbayan relatives, as well as celebrating Father's Day and my brother's birthday
Kuya Miguel turns 28 -- we went out to celebrate my brother's birthday and it was a real blast!
Bonding times with my "anak" and my "bru" -- yes! spending time with them is one that I always look forward to. Next get-together?
Going to Laguna, Davao and Ilocos in one month -- August was probably the most exhilarating month of the year because I got to go to lots of places. I love it, I love it, I love it!
Celebrating Papa's birthday -- Papa turned the big 6-0 and Mama couldn't be happier! Hehehehehe
Monthly get togethers with my after-work buddies -- one of the most memorable dinners we had was during Ate Det's birthday celebration! Totally hilarious!
Monthly family get-togethers -- the Francisco matriarch never let a moment passed by when she didn't ask me, "May boyfriend ka na ba?" Hahahahaha! I really thought she was kidding about the Christmas 2009 deadline
Kuya Rom's surprise homecoming -- none of us expected that my brother would be home the month of December...I swear, it's one of the best things that ever happened this year!
Christmas with the Franciscos -- as always, Christmas with the Francisco family is a day filled with lots of laughter, lots of food and lots of picture taking...and yes, my Lola looked for my "plus one"
Year-end trip to Davao -- it was a totally unexpected trip...but well worth it! Thanks to my officemate-slash-friend who invited me to go!

These are just some of the highlights of the year that passed. All the memories from these events will always be with me. And so, as the year 2010 begins, let me just share some of the things I'm looking forward to:

January: Trips to Boracay and Laguna

March or August: Trip to Davao again

April: My 24th birthday

June: My 2-year anniversary in SEAIR

December: Christmas

Once again, I greet you all...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Tis the Season to Contemplate: A Christmas Message

2009-12-24T08:54:00.004+08:00

In just a matter of hours, Christmas day is here. And this Christmas, I share with you all my message. This is truly a time for us to contemplate on what has happened and on what has become of us over the year.

May your hearts be filled with the Christmas spirit...

o O o

That time of year is upon us once again, the holidays. A time of family, friends, good cheer, and, my personal favorite, home-cooked food. It is a time to reflect on the past and consider the future, and determine, as individuals, what we can do to improve our lives. It is a noble pursuit, humankind working to better the world, a valiant attempt to secure a better future for our posterity.

Most agree this will be a different Christmas. We will still exchange gifts, light our candles, and eat ourselves into oblivion. But just behind us lies a past that we will never forget. It is not that we have more to be thankful for; rather, it is that we better understand how quickly we can lose what we have.

This holiday season, most of us will take a moment to consider the quality of our lives, and perhaps resolve to lose five pounds, stop procrastinating, cut down on the booze, what have you. And then we'll forget we ever made those promises to ourselves. Yes, a noble pursuit, valiant, and hopeless.

The holidays are supposed to be about being surrounded by friends and family -- and these days, it is mostly about material goods, but everyone has the power to change that. This holiday season, think about what gift would make you truly happy to give. This doesn't mean that you can't buy individual gifts. But think about the bigger picture during the holidays this year. It could be easier, less costly and more heart-warming to give a gift that someone will truly appreciate and be thankful for. Let yourself get caught up in the true spirit of the season and give a gift that makes a difference.

Merry Christmas to one and all!

Photobooth: JC2X: Black 2 Black Party

2009-12-21T14:29:00.005+08:00

It was a night of great laughs, wonderful company and endless picture taking!

Thanks to Jan and Carlo for inviting me to their birthday bash.

Can't wait for next year's party!

Misa De Gallo 2009.

2009-12-17T05:40:00.002+08:00

It's almost 6:00 in the morning and I have just gotten back from the second day of Misa de Gallo.

Every year, I make it a point to complete the Misa de Gallo. Not because I believe that if and when you complete it, you can make a wish and it will come true. I do it because I want to. Simple as that. It was easy in the beginning, when I was younger. I would always go with my parents whenever they'd go to church to hear mass for this 9-day novena before Christmas. I was a student then so my time's pretty much fixed.

But that was then. Now that I am working, my schedule could go haywire anytime. So I had to resort to attending the dawn masses. Don't get me wrong, nothing about this is a complain on my part. I love waking up in the morning and devoting the early hours of my day to the Lord. The point of this blog entry is to share with you my experience of attending this annual Christmas tradition.

I was raised by my parents to never miss a Sunday mass, any holy day of obligation, and of course, the simbang gabi. Despite being a very curious child, about this one, I never questioned why. I just knew that this is my devotion to the Lord. I never complained attending mass. As a matter of fact, I loved it that I had joined the church choir.

Nowadays, I'm not as active as I used to be. Given my work that can have me going places at any time, I make up for the times I don't join the choir. I used to be part of the choir in Sto. Niño de Paz Chapel, otherwise known to us as the Greenbelt Chapel. I was a member for 2 years, from my second year until I graduated high school.

Since I was a member of the choir, it is a "duty" to go to the dawn masses during the Advent season. And I loved every minute of it. Attending misa de gallo is an offering I like giving to the Lord. I don't care about making a wish and having it come true. That's not the reason why I go to mass. I believe that if I'm meant to have it, the Lord will provide. And for the past 23 years of my life, He has provided me well.

This year, I go to the 9-day novena before Christmas to thank the Lord for the numerous blessings He has showered upon myself and my family. I have done it then and for sure I will be doing the same in the years to come. Rest assured that when I also have a family of my own, I will raise my kids with the same traditions my parents have bestowed upon me.

This misa de gallo has helped me shape my character; it has made my faith stronger year in and year out. This is a Christmas tradition I wouldn't want my children to miss.

So I end my blog entry for the day. Just eight days left and it's Christmas.

I greet you all "Happy holidays!"

I got my headshot taken by Niccolo Cosme!

2009-12-09T22:52:00.003+08:00

Last month, I participated in Project Headshot Clinic: The Youth Vote Series.

The objective

That young Filipinos from all walks of life to have the opportunity to promote their visions and advocacies for a better country online through discussions and posts under the One Youth banner.

The action

Headed by visionary photographer, Niccolo Cosme, the Youth Vote series aims to promote unity of the Pinoy Youth. Through each participant's headshot photo, they recognize that they belong to one barkada, sharing the same hopes, dreams and aspirations of oneness.

The result

I am proud to say that I am one of the youth participants to make my voice known to what I expect for the next leader of this country. Yes, I vote for Education for all!

To view more headshots, visit One Youth's photo gallery.

"Freedom and its ultimate price"

2009-11-26T21:33:00.001+08:00

The recent events that have occurred in Maguindanao has prompted me to dig up old issues of The Scholastican and look for the issue where I wrote about the journalist killings back then.

Without further ado, I share with you my article on journalist killings I wrote back in 2005.

o O o

Figuratively, a journalist can be "killed" by means of a starvation wage and overwork. Morally "killing" a journalist would mean the influence of the material world, more often equated to money -- bribery. On the literal side, unhappy politicians could hire people to assassinate journalists.

Starvation wages can kill the spirit of journalists and make them an easy prey to all sorts of temptations. On another point, bribery can make them forget the mission and ethics of their profession. But killing is the ultimate solution to the problem of personalities or groups with journalists who reveal anomalies that would inflict a damaging reputation to them.

We like to pride ourselves as "the freest press in Asia." However, the number of journalists killed since the time of Marcos makes this statement an ultimate lie. We call our society democratic and yet we allow journalists to get killed. How can we claim the existence of press freedom when journalists are being murdered again and again?

A study shows that since 1986, a total of 69 journalists were killed. Of the told, 39 were categorized as job-related; 22 had unknown causes or motives; and the rest were non-work related. Of the 39 journalists killed in line of duty, many were actively involved in crusades against corruption and related issues or were assigned to conflict areas.

Majority of the victims, a vast 51 per cent of them, were reporters, correspondents or broadcasters. The remaining 49 per cent is distributed to editors, publishers, commentators and photojournalists.

So why are the killings of Filipino journalists relentlessly thrive in our society? Powerful people are killing journalists and they are doing it with impunity. Only five of the 69 cases have been solved, and only three cases have ended in the conviction of the killers. 93 per cent of the cases, still quite a big number, have remained unsolved.

A new analysis by the Committee to Protect Journalists has found that Iraq, Columbia, Bangladesh and Russia are among the murderous countries for journalists. The Philippines is said to be the most dangerous place in the world to practice journalism.

The killing of journalists is the ultimate expression of the censorship of the freedom of the press. Victimized news subjects can file complaints against the editors of newspapers. They can also file libel cases. Regrettably, many prefer to use the ultimate weapon of silencing journlists: ASSASSINATION. Such a method should not dwell in a free and democratic society where justice is of paramount importance.

"Distress over OJTs and Grad School is for Serious People"

2009-11-25T21:41:00.003+08:00

Back when I was in my junior year of college, when I was then the associate editor of our school paper, The Scholastican, I had a column I called "Paper Trails" (which I eventually made into a now-defunct blog). And I started to miss writing an ed-op. So here I am now, posting in this blog something that was printed three years ago. I hope you will appreciate it as much as I do.

o O o

The beginning of another school year.

The halfway point of my college career.

The beginning of the end.

Ouch! It even hurts to put that last one in writing. As my junior year begins, I can't say I'm pleased with the pace at which my college experience is flying by. When did this transition from young naive freshwoman to accustomed upperclassman occur? Why wasn't I aware of it?

It seems as though once junior year starts, everyone seems to get bitten by the whole planning-for-the-future bug that I so sneakily avoided. I mean, we just got back from whatever place we had our summer, and now people are making plans for next year's on-the-job trainings and internships. Am I missing something?! Suddenly, all talk has shifted from amazing summer vacations to grad school and getting an "in" at the right company so as to ensure a lucrative future.

While I sit at the Social Hall with my MP3 player and a couple of books and handouts, I see students with highlighters and test-prep books. I wonder if its wrong to study for the subjects at hand rather than the ones I'll be taking a few years from now. Is it wrong if I worry about my schedule for this week than for the next 20 years? Sure, it's great to have an idea as to the path we all wish to take after St. Scholastica's COllege, but isn't there something to be said for taking life one day at a time and seeing where it leads us on its own?

Now everyone thinks getting an MBA is a sure-way ticket to everything noble in this world and admission to medical school is on a continuous upsurge. Many leaders in the world today are self-made and, for the most part, self-taught. Sure, they received some form of undergraduate education, but many of them worked their way up the ladder by moving from job to job and learning new life skills and lessons each step of the way.

I am sure each and every member of SSC is shaking her head in disagreement right now, for they foster this new found idea of perpetual planning and constant worry. I'm sure that this opinion makes me appear like the most unmotivated student here, yet anyone can surely attest to the contrary. I work hard in what I do now; I apply myself in everything I choose to undertake and enjoy every second that passes. I'm not going to say that, at times, I don't feel overwhelmed by the thought of entering the "real world" in a few short years and by the crazy panic that has stricken the vast majority of everyone around me -- because I do.

My point is that we need to focus on making the most of the short amount of time in college, and, while still preparing for our future, leave it at that -- the future. I guarantee you -- we will still be okay.

My Christmas Wish List 2009

2009-11-24T22:59:00.006+08:00

I saw a friend of mine post her wishlist in her blog and I realized that I haven't posted mine yet. Haha! December begins next week, so I better post this one now. Hehehehe...

Here goes:

It is my most favorite and most awaited gift! I want to have the Belle De Jour Power Planner 2010. As usual, I'll be needing my organizer for my daily meetings and whatnots. Though I will be acquiring the Starbucks planner soon (and I'm sure, I'll be getting some free organizers from people), the BDJ Power Planner is a definite must-have for me!

I saw this coffee press at Starbucks -- and for its size, I do believe it's worth it for P595! The travel press is something I'd like to have. You know how much I love my coffee...hehehe...

I am a very girly girl and so I'd like to get dresses like these. I usually buy these at Trendy Dessert and Le Bon Marche when I don't have the time to actually go to the mall and buy clothes. Please, please, please give me cute dresses!

Ok. This might be a little over-the-top considering this country is not really where snow falls. But when I saw this coat in Le Bon Marche, I just want to have it! I really, really like it and I do hope I'm getting something like this, if not exactly this one.

I love shoes! I really do. These are probably the kinds of footwear you'll see in my collection (except for the sneakers -- definitely not a fan). I'm not really the type who cares about brands. As long as the shoes are nice and comfortable to wear, then it's all good. By the way, I'm a size 9.

As everyone knows, I'm a kikay girl. Ergo, I need my cosmetics. And I'm really liking the mineral cosmetics. I hope someone will give me the Maybelline Mineral Power Illuminator. If that someone will be kind enough to get me this, please get me the Pink shade.

Like with shoes, I love bags too. And I'm not really looking at the brand. I want bags that are functional yet stylish. I want an everyday kind of bag that comes with a twist. Hehehe.

I am a sucker for nice perfumes. Currently, I am using Lancome's Oui. I absolutely love the scent. But I'm starting to miss my old perfume: Elizabeth Arden Green Tea. I believe the last time I had it was 4 years ago.

If you are familiar with Enjoy Philippines package, you'll understand why I want to have this. It's like a VIP pass to restaurants, spas, boutiques, and yes, hotels and resorts! It's got like P150,000 worth of gifts, discounts and privileges -- what's not to love? It's pricey, I know, but it's definitely worth it!

All right. These two, I know for sure that no one will give me. Hahahaha! But I still want to include them in my wish list. Who knows, one of these two may be my gift to myself soon, right? Hehehe...

I've been wanting to have a netbook since my birthday and I'm hoping to get one soon. Originally, I planned to buy one this Christmas but since I got an iPhone, my urge to buy the Dell Mini 10v subsided a bit. Although I still plan to buy the netbook, I'm not in any rush. Hehe...

I'm really getting tired of taking pictures using my phone so I thought of buying myself a digicam. After much thought, I am now choosing between the Nikon CoolPix P50 and the Canon Powershot E1. I don't really need a camera that's going to be used for work. The purpose of having my own digicam is taking pictures for leisure. And I think buying either of the two would be a good investment. Can someone advise me on which of the two I should buy? Right now, I'm leaning towards buying the Nikon digicam.

Well, folks, there you have it. My Christmas wish list for 2009.

31 days before Christmas day. I can't wait to celebrate it with family and friends!

Until my next post, people!

Sunday Night Blogging.

2009-11-15T21:15:00.002+08:00

Hi there!

It's 9:15 in the evening on an uneventful Sunday night so I have decided to log in my blog and post something new. Hmm...what am I going to blog about tonight?

Y'know, it's funny sometimes, how you think you're doing everything you want to do and yet there's still a part you're still missing. I seriously miss singing! I realized this a couple of weeks ago when I sang in front of a huge crowd for a gig. I really do miss singing. I remember when it was nearing my birthday earlier this year, one of the 23 things I've wanted to do is to perform in front of an audience. Yeah, I've been singing my heart out. Regardless of the opportunities, I still miss it. I can't believe it -- I had no idea that singing was that huge of a part of my life. It's just surreal sometimes when I get to think about random things and it hits me as if it's something I have to do.

Don't get me wrong, I am so in love with my job! Who wouldn't be having the time of her life writing interesting stories, meeting great people, traveling to beautiful destinations? I love it and I wouldn't want to change direction in my career. There's still so much I want to learn from my work and I wouldn't let go of it until I am ready to. But singing is different. Singing, to me, is one of my creative outlets. I sing whatever I feel like singing, pouring my heart out as if I'm singing it to someone in particular. In a way, I feel like I'm a "celebrity." Egoistic as I may come off saying that, it's just true.

Hoping to sing again soon...

Yesterday was all about me.

2009-11-08T22:27:00.004+08:00

Indeed, it was! I have finally acknowledged the realization that I've been pushing myself to the limit the past few weeks, and while it helped me that I was preoccupied with work, it was time to give myself a break and just have fun! And fun, I did get.

At 10:00 in the morning, I told my parents that I would be going out. I swear, I still get surprised by their response whenever I tell them I'm going out on weekends. When I told Mama that I'm going to hang out by myself, she told me, "Buti naman. Lagi ka na lang tutok sa trabaho mo." Thanks, Mama. I know you'd rather I go out with my friends, but I'm very happy you're glad to see me get out on my own and have some fun. Hehehe.

So after having an early lunch (11:30AM to be more precise), I washed up, took a shower, got dressed and headed to the salon. I've been planning since my birthday to get a hair treatment -- and that's exactly what I got when I went to my stylist and had an uber long hair treatment. Karina, owner of Regine's Salon, made sure that my hair would be so much more manageable than what I had. Yes, my locks are once again revitalized! 4 hours of sitting on the chair was sooooo worth it! I love my hair! I remember one of the staff saying, "Miss Marge, you're looking more and more Chinese with your hair like that." Thanks for the compliment! But Karina said the funniest thing ever: "Marge, if this doesn't get you a boyfriend, I don't know what will." Hahahaha! Thank you, Karina, for making me feel I'm the prettiest girl there is!

How do I look now? Well, see for yourself.

All right. Done with the salon. I could have just gone to Greenbelt and hung out in my usual place -- Starbucks. But I opted to get into a cab and go to Bonifacio High Street. It was already 4:30PM at that time when I got there. Didn't really do much there. Went in a couple of stores, checked out some stuff. But in the end, I went to my favorite place (Starbucks, where else?), brought out my book of the day (Leo Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Ilyich), plugged in my earphones for some music, and ordered a dark cherry mocha frappuccino (current sticker count: 3 out of 17).

Here's the funny part. I was waiting for the barista to give me back my sticker but he ran out of it so they had to get a new roll. So while I was waiting for my promo card and my drink, the barista took the order of the guy next to me. When the barista asked if the guy wanted to avail a promo card, the guy politely declined. But what he said next was flattering. "You can just give my sticker to this lovely lady." I think I blushed at that. He was really nice. Thanks to him, I now have 4 stickers. Haha!

I stayed there until it was 7:00 in the evening, I think. I didn't even bother to buy any food. Hehe. But anyway, I finished the book so I went to take another stroll around Bonifacio High Street. I would have loved to take pictures but I didn't exactly have a camera with me and I didn't really want to use my iPhone as a camera at that time. So after strolling around for another hour, I got in a cab and went home.

I had an amazing "me-time"! Yes, I'm a very happy person (once again). Hehehe...

Funny Moment.

2009-11-04T20:39:00.003+08:00

I just had to share this because I find it really funny.

After work, I decided to hang out in Starbucks. It has been quite a while since I last went there to just hang out. Oh yeah, for those of you who don't know yet, the promo for Starbucks Planner 2010 began today. So for those who are eager to collect those stickers, go to the nearest Starbucks and start buying those drinks! You need 17 stickers to be able to redeem the planner.

9 regular drinks + 8 specialty drinks = 1 planner

Ok. Well, that's not really what I wanted to share. Hehehe. But I had to plug it. Anyway, so there I was in Starbucks, alone (as usual), drinking my caffe mocha and eating my honey glazed doughnut when I noticed a guy -- a rather good looking Chinese guy -- was looking at me. So I looked back at him. Next thing I knew, I saw the guy trip and fell. Right there in the middle of Starbucks! Wow!

I feel like I'm such a geisha! Hahahaha!

That's all. I just felt like sharing that one.

From Sulking to Smiling -- to Sulking Again.

2009-10-31T11:15:00.005+08:00

I was down.
And then I was happy.
And then I was down again.

I'm sorry -- I just can't seem to keep smiling the whole day through. If anything, I can only smile for a few hours. And I'm sorry if I could only put on a fake smile.

It's just not the same anymore. I've lost the will to smile. I don't exactly know how it happened -- I just did. I have succeeded in putting on the mask to hide from everyone how I really feel. But it's starting to hurt me inside. It's starting to make me want to break down and cry it all out.

For the past week, I have been feeling depressed. I have shared with you the reason why. So when my officemates from LEP said that there's a Halloween costume party scheduled on Friday, I decided to go. I wasn't really planning to, but what the heck, right? Let's face it, I needed to have fun, and spending time with my officemates is a sure way to make me laugh.

So I went. I dressed up as a little pink fairy -- complete with fairy wings and fairy tiara. I called myself "Pink Tinkerbell." It worked. I was partying with my officemates, eating food with them, taking pictures with them -- I was having fun.

And then I had to go home. As soon as I changed back to my regular clothes, I suddenly lost the smile.

Let me just end this post with one thought. Because right now, I just want to lie in my bed and stare into nothingness. If lucky, I may even cry.

It's weird...
when you go from being strangers to being friends.
Then suddenly...
back to being practically strangers again.

It's clear to me now why I'm feeling this way.
I just hope -- I can get back up soon.

Thoughts.

2009-10-28T21:25:00.003+08:00

Ever lie on your bed with the next hundred things you have to do to run through your head?
Ever lost touch and let a good friendship fade because you never had time to call and say hi?
When you run too fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day, it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

This is basically what's been happening to me.
I have wallowed in my job that I am suddenly out of touch with the other things around me.
I hate to say it, but I was living the life my mom feared I'd have if I was so career-oriented.
But I was sad and work is the only solution I could think of to not think about my grief.

What I thought to be a "good alternative" turned out to be an issue waiting to happen.
Everyone at work was noticing my apparent despondency.
So everyone has asked me what's really the matter with me.
Thank you for the concern -- but it's hard to talk about something like this.

It seemed I was inconsolable...and I guess, I'm pretty much that.
Nothing that people are telling me is sinking into my head.
No matter how much they try to cheer me up, I just feel down.
Can't I just cry it all out without feeling stupid?

But I'd like to thank one person -- who surely tried his best to make me feel better.
The person who told me that there's so much around to divert my sadness to...
So all I had to do was listen to the music.
To him, I say thank you for trying.

Maybe this time, I'll stop to listen to the rain pouring on the ground or gaze at the sun in the fading sky.
After all, life's not a race.
I should take it slower.
Really listen to the song before it's over.

Momentary Sadness.

2009-10-26T20:45:00.002+08:00

Ok. I admit it. I'm sad. I'm down. Lately, I've been feeling rather gloomy. And I guess it's just now that things are really showing why. Or in my case, it's just now that I've acknowledged that I am, in fact, depressed.

I was hanging out in Greenbelt after work. To get some peace of mind. Working from 9AM to 5PM without actually eating lunch, I have decided to give myself a break and eat something. So I hung out in Starbucks (wherelse would I be, right?), ordered a chicken club asparagus sandwich and brewed coffee, and sat on one corner of the coffee shop as I read some blog entries of random people.

Two particular blogs made a huge impact today. One from Lea Salonga, the other from Bo Sanchez. In Lea's blog, she says:

"Isn't it weird that there are people who are such a huge part of your life one minute, and then absolutely nothing the next?"

It was exactly what I have been wondering all along. I started to question what really happened. I wanted to know what went on. As if on cue, I read Bo's latest blog, which could possibly be the answer to the question that Lea has asked. He says:

"Warning: There’s a cruel epidemic afflicting our families, our marriages, and our friendships. It’s called the Relationship Drift.
It’s a very devious disease. It’s like some cancers. You really don’t know you have it until it’s fatal. And then it’s too late.
And then Relationship Drift becomes Relationship Dead."

As if by God-sent, this is exactly what I needed to know. The truth of the matter is this: there are people in my life who I haven't spoken to or haven't seen for quite some time now and it's making me sad to see that we can't even make time to just talk.

So here's my way of reaching out to those people:

To my kuya
Kuya, I feel that there's something you want to tell me but given our busy schedules and time difference, we don't have much time to just talk. I wish you were here again. I wish we could do what we've done before -- where we go out, hang around, and talk about what's happening in our lives. I miss you so much that it's making me so sad, I wish you hadn't gone to the US.

To my bez
Bez, it's always different when you and I share what we need to share. Two years have passed us by and still, I can't get over the fact that you're back home in the States and I'm right here. I miss the times when you and I could meet up at the coffee shop and let our feelings out. There's so much I want to tell you and even though I can always email you, I just keep wishing you could be here because I need a shoulder to cry on.

To my anak and my bru
The three of us are here and yet we can't even make time to see each other. It's been months now and I hate the fact that we have yet to see each other. Are we really so busy with our work that we can't make time for us to catch up on things? We can't even be online at the same time. What has happened to us? I need you guys. I need your comfort.

To my friend
It's really a wonder how at one point we talk for almost the whole day and all of a sudden, we don't even acknowledge each other when we see one another. What's happened? What's wrong? Why is it that out of the blue, there is an inexplicable silence that distance us from one another? I'd like to think that both of us are just too busy -- but at the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if we are really that occupied with work that we've decided to just not talk to each other. I hate to say it but I'm starting to miss back then when we bug each other -- even during work.

It pains me. It really does. My life has suddenly become too quiet for my own liking.

Let me feel your presence again. Let me know you're there. Let me be happy once again.

Please.

I want to go bowling!

2009-10-25T19:02:00.003+08:00

I do. I really, really do. And if you're one of those who have been following my blog, bowling is not just bowling for me. Maybe it's the emo-ness kicking in again. Probably because it's that time of the month for yours truly. But I guess I'm just at that point where I want to tell the world, "Yes, I'm out bowling with ---."

*Sigh* I look back at the past week and I realized how much of work I've put in. And I'm not just talking about work in the office. Everyone knows that as soon as I'd get home, I'd turn on my PC, log in the internet and continue the work I wasn't able to finish in the office. Once again, I have managed to make my work a 24-hour habit.

Although I was able to get some "breaks," thanks to my dinner invites with friends -- I would still want to have that one day I am looking forward to because that's the day I'm going bowling with someone in particular. Is it really too much to ask?

A friend told me that I may be too blind to see who's interested, or that I am being a very choosy person when it comes to guys. Be that as it may, let me just point out that the dating phase is not just something I'd like to do for the sake of dating. I date because I like the guy. I date because I'd like to see if it goes somewhere. If somewhere along the way, it doesn't work out, then I say it's not working out. Harsh much? Maybe. But at least I can say I didn't lead the guy on.

Ok. Back to the point. It gets to me sometimes when all I do is work. It's not that I don't want to make time to just take a break. But the thing is, when I'm not working, I look for something to work on -- like an article that's due the next week, or research that I want to continue, stuff like that. I know it annoys my parents, especially my mom, when they see me do nothing else but my work. And it's not just with me. They're also hounding on my two brothers to not be so career-centered. While they love the fact that we're doing well in our respective careers, they're also worried that we might be so focused on our work that we're not giving ourselves time to take a break and enjoy some relaxation. So yeah, they are practically pushing us to go out and have fun. (Funny how when we were young, they wouldn't let us go out a lot -- and now, they are encouraging us to be out there.)

I don't say this much. In fact, I don't think I've really ever said it. So there -- I want to go out! I want to be out on a date again! I miss dating and I miss having fun on a date with someone.

Seriously, I want to go bowling! I do hope I get to bowl -- soon.

Till my next blog,

iPhone Blogging.

2009-10-19T10:18:00.001+08:00

Ok, it's not really my idea to blog through my iPhone (for those who don't know, yes, I already have an iPhone). But unfortunately, I can't use my desktop computer because it's currently being reformatted and I can't use my laptop because Papa has been hogging it ever since I got the desktop computer. But I've been itching to blog since this afternoon. So -- here goes nothing.

I don't really know what's up with me lately. I can't really explain it but I've noticed that I've had a major OC mode the past three nights. I have been cleaning my room over and over again since Friday night. I can't seem to stop. My room's organized and clean but somehow, I'll find something wrong with the order of things or how I've arranged my files and all so I end up doing things all over again.

What the hell is up with me? Bothered much? Damn it! While it may be a good thing that my outlet is harmless to myself and to others, I also think it isn't healthy. Healhy in the sense that I might go berserk over the little things in the future.

So anyway, I've arranged my closet 4 times already, organized my dresser 6 times, made my bed 3 times, arranged my shoes 2 times, and put my files in their respective shelves 3 times. Oh yeah, I also washed my electric fan, ironed my clothes, sweeped my room and sorted my bags. Wow! Talk about keeping busy.

Mama has noticed and asked if I had any problems. I didn't, actually. But I guess I got so busy with the past week's work that my workaholic mode came home with me over the weekend.

Although...I was able to take a break. Like this afternoon, I went to the mall with my parents. Yesterday, I made it a point to go to the mall so I could relax. And relax, I did. I hung out in Starbucks, ordered an iced caramel macchiatto, went to an empty table, hooked on my iPhone for music and started reading the pocketbook I brought with me. Ah yes...truly relaxing. At least for a while. Unfortunately, my sanctuary was suddenly disturbed by a strange guy.

Stranger: I've noticed you since you came in. I'm Drew, by the way.
Me: You expect me to give you my name?
Stranger: I hope so.
Me: Good luck with that. Sorry, I don't like being disturbed.

The next thing I knew, the guy went back to his table where he sat with 2 other friends.

I really hate it when people invade my privacy. Snobbish much? Maybe, but I really don't care. I don't appreciate being approached like that. While it may be true that this kind of attention one gets is flattering, it's also somehow invasive. Especially when you're not there hoping to be noticed. Sometimes, you just want to be left alone in your own little space.

It's already 11:54PM. Tomorrow is a Monday which means I need to rest for tomorrow's work.

Besides, my thumbs are already restless from the continuous typing on the iPhone.

Good night, everyone!

Falling In Love: Is It Worth It?

2009-10-17T14:19:00.005+08:00

Disclaimer:

I was cleaning up my room. Yes, it was another OC moment for me. I can't seem to stop from cleaning my space even though everything's organized. Anyway, I saw a file folder in one of my shelves marked "LETTERS." It was a compilation of letters I wrote. Addressed to no one in particular. But I think in one way or another, there was someone in particular I was thinking of. So ok, back to the story. One of the papers in the folder isn't actually a letter. It's sort of an essay. Or just random rantings on falling in love. I wrote it back in 2006. Oh it brings back memories why I wrote it. Hahaha! But I'm not going to say what happened back then.

To those who know, just keep it to yourselves, ok? Thanks!

Without further ado, I give you my latest entry.

o O o

Sometimes, in the past, late at night, when it's too quiet to pretend, I worry if I believe in anything at all, or at least, in anything beautiful. I believed in change because it is permanent. I believed in pain because it is sometimes physical. I believe in anger because it can consume you. But I was not sure I can believe in either love or trust. I could not then understand these two things most people build their dreams on.

Love fails to be unconditional by that one condition itself. It ends when we fall out of it. Then, we claim it never was love because love shouldn't die. It is forever. But when it becomes a routine, love does die. Lastly, when love turns selfish, confusing and burdensome, it isn't beautiful anymore.

As for trust, it was self-explanatory until I doubted it. When curiosity gives way to suspicion, betrayal isn't far behind. For every failed judgment, we ask ourselves: "Did I trust too little or too much?" It is difficult to shut up every question in favor of complete trust, only to realize too late something you could have known had you only asked. Where does love and trust start and end?

I have seen hundreds of people disappointed over unfulfilled relationships. I have seen passion turn into poison. I have grieved with them for the love they lost or never found. We seem to love so much, but now it's gone. We ask ourselves, "Why do I feel so lonely even if he's right beside me? Why can't our relationship be more than this?"

I think all people have, at one point in their life, experienced painful realization of a love unrequited. Even with all the discouragement, even with all the well-intentioned advice from friends, falling in love is a no-going-back event. Unfortunately, time can't be reversed.

Now, falling in love in itself is doubted by people around you. They cannot feel the warmth that consumes you. They cannot ache with the turbulent and confusing anxiety and joy that grips you. They do not know that mental stress you experience trying to rationalize your emotions. They cannot believe that you do not want to be in love with a person who doesn't love you back. Oftentimes, people in love are painted as puppies following their loved ones at a distance and enjoying it. Oftentimes, people in love are misunderstood.

Who can enjoy running around with your heart on your sleeve? It's like trying to cross a tight rope and always falling into jagged cliffs because you are nervous, oh so nervous! Loving and loving without getting any response can be destructive to anyone. It is a thousand deaths every time. It is an "unmourned" for death because no one else can understand.

Love is not sustained by hope but by wishes. There's a difference. No matter how perverse, people suffering from unrequited love try to get out of it while secretly wishing that he'd give a sign to show it isn't hopeless. In desperation, unrequited lovers can even imagine signs if only to remain sane.

How can you love a brick wall? A dead end? A slavery without any sign of salvation? How foolish! How unreasonable! Unfortunately, how human, too!

"Why won't he love me? What is wrong with me?" Scattered thoughts echoing such pain are not exactly abnormal. Even the best-looking, best-hearted people can't always expect others to love them back. Why? People sometimes need to feel unloved by everyone so that they learn to love themselves.

There is nothing wrong with unrequited love. It happens all the time. I won't delude you into thinking that if he can't love you back, he is not worth it. In fact, believe that he is. He is worth it all: the headaches, the anxiety, the embarrassment. He is worth it because, like you, he needs others loving him. This sounds funny but the world is round for a reason. We are all part of a circle. If you love him and he loves someone else, just think of whom you're hurting by loving him. It's a cycle. Whose love are you not returning?

I know we can love deeply, tenderly and lastingly. I have seen such love. I learned that, aside from love and trust, a fulfilling relationship begins when two people make their time together their number one priority. If we hope to find love, we must first find time for loving. Many couples experienced a tragic moment together that taught them to value their time together. How we see our partners often depends on how we are than how they are. We are not audience but participant observers in each other's lives.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we're always learning, discovering and growing.

Lastly, this may be a cliche but there is someone who is right for you, and even if he's not, he'd still be right because loving doesn't make sense until you accept it and make it real.

Just Friends.

2009-10-13T17:44:00.002+08:00

Maybe that's how it starts
With a hug and a little spark

Maybe that's how it happened
For you my heart softened

Maybe it doesn't mean anything
It could be just nothing

But maybe this is real
My heart, you might steal

Maybe I don't want it taken
I don't want this friendship shaken

Maybe this feeling is unjust
Even through all our trust

Maybe I'll just let you go
Let "her" take your soul

Maybe that's just fair
I'll let you have back your air.

This is a poem written about 3 years ago. This was during a time I was totally depressed about how my relationship with a guy friend turned sour. I don't really know how this is applicable to what's happening now. But I felt like posting this anyway.

Missing You.

2009-10-10T23:00:00.001+08:00

When I think about it long and hard, I may be able to admit that I'm starting to miss you.

So maybe I should just stop thinking and do something else.

But then I remember someone saying that the saddest part of life is keeping one's self busy and pushing one's self to the limit all day -- but at the end of the day, after doing everything to forget, you end up where you are: in the very same position you're trying to escape.

But I believe in waiting. As the saying goes, "The value of waiting is a value of a lifetime. If we know how to wait, life shall be easy because God knows what to give us in the right time."

Let me go back to the point of this blog. I miss you. And I'm kind of hating myself for feeling this way.

It's true, I miss you.

I miss our chance meetings, our usual conversations, our unlikely bonding moments.

I miss how you tease me, how you make me laugh, how you give me something to look forward to each day.

I miss the days that I just couldn't stop smiling, the times that I would stop what I'm doing to absorb everything.

Most of all, I miss the smile that creeps up my cheek when I get to see you.

So let me live for the moment.

I hope to see you...soon.

October 18, 2006.

2009-10-07T21:04:00.001+08:00

I was browsing through my old journals and I stumbled upon this particular entry I wrote three years ago. I didn't actually write it. It's part of a song, I believe, by Juan Carlos Calderon.

It just struck me, considering I wasn't in love with anyone at that time. I guess I just really like the song that time...

Como una promesa eres tu...

Como una sonrisa eres tu...

Todo mi esperanza eres tu...

Te quiero

To translate...

You are like a promise

You are like a smile

You are all my hope

I love you...

Playing "Dr. Margie"

2009-10-04T09:58:00.005+08:00

It's really amazing how people find it so hard to believe that I have yet to be in a relationship.

Last night, I was chatting with a couple of friends. Three, to be exact. Two guys, one girl. The funny thing was that -- they all had "problems" in their own relationships and they all came to me for advice. No, these people don't know each other. It just so happens that these three are good friends of mine who have been involved with their significant others for years.

I always wonder why they come to me for advice. When I get in a relationship and I'd have a problem, shouldn't I be the one to go to them and ask for their advice? They're the ones who have gone through it. But alas, there I was, chatting away, listening to what they have to say, and waiting for them to let me know if they needed what I wanted to say.

Surprisingly, they welcomed my advice with open arms. I quote my guy friend, "Ibang klase ka talaga, Marge! NBSB pero ang daming alam sa pag-ibig!" If he was right in front of me, I'd probably have slapped him. Haha! Kalokohan talaga! Yes, I've been single since forever. But just because I've never been in a relationship doesn't mean I don't have my shares of kilig and sawi. Hehehehe.

So yeah, I played "therapist" for a couple of hours. Or maybe because I was in such an emo mood that I've decided to let it out by playing "Dr. Margie."

Well, I gotta go for now and prepare for Mass.

Be right back.

Sharing.

2009-10-02T20:57:00.005+08:00

As I sit here in front of my PC and keeping myself busy, I received a text message from a friend of mine. It goes like this:

Bakit masarap magmahal ang mga taong komedyante?

1. Hirit pa lang nila, panalo na!

2. Lagi kayong masaya kahit problemado na.

3. Hindi ka talaga tatanda kakatawa.

4. Magaling magdala ng damit kahit sablay na.

5. Kapag naging seryoso, talagang tatamaan ka!

6. Sigurado malalahian ka ng talino -- hirap mag-isip para lang magpatawa.

And lastly...

7. Kahit sinaktan mo na, feeling mo ok lang sa kanya...kaya hindi mo alam, halos mamatay na siya kung paano niya ilalabas iyak niya.

Completely disregarding the last part of that message, I have to say, I absolutely agree. It's true.

If you ask my friends, one of the things they will tell you about me is that it's not easy to make me laugh. So it's important for me to meet a guy who has that kind of sense of humor that can absolutely break me.

Have I found a guy like that? I've met two. In all my years of living, I've met only two guys who have the "ability" to crack me up with his sense of humor. Who those two guys may be, I will not say.

Nothing really much to blog about. I just felt like sharing that particular message.

Eres Mi Vida

2009-10-01T23:30:00.003+08:00

Traté mucho de olvidarte

Me fuí para que no te viera

Pero siempre sueño contigo

Todas las noches cuando duermo

Como puedo vivir sin ti en mi lado

Cuando todo el que veo es tu

Me has enseñado a amarte mucho

Y ahora solo tu a quien adoro

Mi amor, ahora has sabido

Que puedo vivir solamente contigo

Asi es que te suplico

Que tu esperes para mi regreso

o O o

I tried so hard to forget you
I went away so I wouldn't see you
But I always dream of you
Every night in my sleep

How can I live without you by my side?
When all I see is you
You taught me to love and love you much
And now only you I adore

My love, now you know
I can live only with you
So it is that I ask of you
You wait for my return

Ondoy attacks.

2009-09-26T21:21:00.004+08:00

I was absolutely in shock when I looked out the window this morning from our third floor condominium unit and saw the view from the street. The flood was already thigh-deep! It's the first time I've ever seen a flood that high. I couldn't believe it at all!

Guess you could say I was one of the lucky ones. Since we live on the third floor, we weren't affected by the flood coming in. Papa said if we go out, we'd step out to the condominium's parking lot that has water knee-high. So basically, people in our condominium are stranded inside -- which is probably a very good thing.

Fortunately, the rain is starting to subside. I keep praying for a better day tomorrow. I'm hoping that the flood will go down.

For a better tomorrow,

The Move.

2009-09-12T22:30:00.002+08:00

Just a short post for the day.

In a week's time, my family and I are moving. After 13 years of living in the same 66-square-meter condominium unit, we are finally moving to a bigger and better living space. A new place to call "home." I'm excited! Very much! Why? Well, it's really because of one reason: I will finally get my own room. How about that? After 23 years, I can finally say, "I have a room!" Hahahaha!

Yes! It's definitely something to look forward to.

Well, it's time I go to bed.

G'night, all!

When Working Becomes a 24-Hour Habit

2009-09-05T08:34:00.005+08:00

I should have blogged about this last week but I had a lot of work to do and it is only now that I had the time to log into my blog and publish this entry. Spoiler: that is exactly why I'm publishing blogging now.

I had one of the most unlikely conversations with my parents last weekend.

Since I got back from my out of town trip, I have been doing nothing but work. I've been on a workaholic mode for quite some time, I barely had time to go out with my barkada and just hang out with them. Whether I'm in the office or I'm at home, I work. It's sad, I know. And this triggered the unexpected "heart-to-heart" talk with my parents.

They've noticed how I've become so busy. So during our lunch out on a Sunday, Mama has told me that I should relax every now and then -- just so I could take my mind off work. Tempting as that sounds, I just couldn't leave my work hanging. I could see the look of chagrin on their faces. It's not that I didn't want to relax but with work piling up every day, I find it hard to take a step back and rest up a bit.

Around this time, my parents have told me stories of relatives who are in their 40s and are still single. Let's not discuss about that. But I would like to share with you the oh-so-memorable things that my dear mother told me.

"Morale of the story, Marge: Mag-asawa ka. Hay naku! Minsan, iniisip ko, sana may boyfriend ka ngayon para minsan man lang, nailalayo ka sa trabaho mo. Lagi ka na lang nakaharap sa laptop mo, puro na lang trabaho inaatupag mo."

It was positively hilarious! Although I do think my mom could have put it in a more subtle way. I knew what she meant. She just wants me to loosen up a bit. To go out and have fun. I've realized that I have been working for almost the whole day, everyday. Yes, I've made my work a 24-hour habit. From the time I wake up until before I go to sleep, I think about work. So when an opportunity to hang out with friends presents itself, I take it.

Just like yesterday. I went out with friends for dinner and dessert. When I told Papa about it, he said, "Buti naman naisipan mo lumabas kasama sila. O mag-ingat ha."

It's nice to see that my parents are happy that I'm going out. If anything, I think they're encouraging me to constantly do this. Haha! Not everyday, probably once a week.

So here's to making my life more eventful. One step at a time. I think by this time, I'll cut down my working hours to 20 hours a day. Hehehe.

Until then.

First Dates.

2009-08-23T21:11:00.006+08:00

(Written last August 15, 2009)

Funny how when you're away from home -- more specifically, away from Manila -- makes you think of things you don't normally think about.

In my case, the thought of first dates came to mind. I've been in a couple of first dates. In fact, I've been on five first dates. Oh yes...contrary to popular belief, I may be a no-boyfriend-since-birth gal but I've had my share of first dates. I guess being in a rather peaceful environment makes you think of such things. Then again, maybe it's just me.

First dates.

At 23, my share of first dates has been nice. They've been fun. A lunch date in Power Plant Mall, a coffee chit chat at Starbucks, a dinner at Capricciosa, a lunch date at Kitaro Sushi, and an after-work get-together at Coffee Bean. Notice anything? Every single first date starts with food. Not that I didn't like it but truth be told, it's not how I imagined my first date is going to be. Ok, this could probably shock most people but I'm about to reveal my ideal kind of a first date. So...here goes.

It feels corny writing about this but...again...it's a thought in my head that won't go away and this is how to remedy that. Then maybe after I've posted this, I can finally go to sleep.

So what is my idea of a first date? Well, it's nothing extravagant, nothing fancy. If anything, I imagine it to be simple -- simple but truly wonderful.

I imagine the first date to be casual. He and I would go to the mall and start the date by playing a game or two of bowling. Yes, bowling. I'd like to think that the alley allows us grown-ups to be kids again. It's a lot of fun and there's nothing wrong with a little friendly competition. What better way to break the ice, right?

A game of bowling can work both ways. Either it can work up an appetite or it can make you want to just chill out. Then again, why not do both right? By then, we'd be probably hungry so we'll eat at Sbarro or Chef d'Angelo (a little pricey but the food there is divine!). We'd talk about random things, our hobbies, our likes and dislikes, anything under the sun. Our conversations would be full of laughter, trying to remember all the silly things we did.

We move on to walking around the mall. Still talking about random things. I'd probably ask him to chill out in a cafe, drink coffee or tea, eat a slice of cake, and just continue talking.

It's the perfect way to end the day.

Does he take me home or do we go our separate ways? Either way works for me. Of course, to take me home would be nice. It gives us more time to talk.

I've been asked numerous times before. To kiss on a first date or not to kiss? I say...that has yet to be decided. I really can't answer that since I've never considered it at all. But I guess, at the moment, I'd say, no. A peck on the cheek, yes...a kiss on the lips on a first date, no.

*Sigh* It amazes me the thoughts that come to mind when away from home.

Until my next entry,

Food = Fun!

2009-08-10T21:04:00.004+08:00

It was definitely a fun day for me today! Tiring, definitely, but absolutely worth it.

I had two interviews scheduled today. One with Pepper Lunch owner, Jeroen van Straten and the other with Juan Carlos de Terry who owns Terry Selections. As always, I was anxious and excited for these interviews. There's something about talking to chefs and restauranteurs that definitely makes me ask a lot of questions. Maybe it's because I cook and I love to eat. Haha! Yes, I'm a self-professed food junkie. Like I told Jeroen, "I always have to have food within my reach."

When the topic is food, I can go on and on about it. What I cook, what ingredients I buy, how I cook it -- everything! I swear, food lets me talk non-stop about it. Talking to Jeroen was like talking to fellow food junkie I've known for a very long time. It didn't seem like I was interviewing him -- it felt more like it was a casual talk. I had a real great time talking about food with Jeroen. Hehehe...

To interview Señor Juan Carlos was absolutely divine! He's probably one of the most intriguing persons I've met. When he talks about food and about wine, you just know that he's absolutely passionate about food and wine. It was an absolute thrill to meet him.

Bottom line: food is fun! Hahaha!

Till my next entry.

Ciao!

Four Years.

2009-08-10T00:16:00.005+08:00

It's past 12 o'clock and I'm still wide awake. I should be sleeping right now since I've tons to do but here I am. Eyes wide open, so many things running through my head.

August 10th.

There's something significant about this date. Four years ago today, my grandfather passed away. And even after four years, I still miss him. A lot. He was 90 when he went.

If you've read about the history of Parañaque, you'll find out that my lolo, Lucio Castillo Francisco, is the first post-war mayor appointed by the Americans. Yes, he was indeed a significant part in the history of the city.

I remember how my relatives from abroad came back to the Philippines so that they could be there beside Lolo Bait until his last breath.

I remember how my Papa told us how he went -- he looked at my lola, smiled and told her, "Choleng, aalis na ako."

I remember how everyone told so many stories of my lolo's heroism during the three-day wake we had for him.

I remember the very first time I saw my Papa holding back the tears when he spoke in front of the people before we buried Lolo Bait.

I remember one person telling us during his burial, "You should be proud of your lolo. He was a true hero."

I am proud.

I am proud to have him as my Lolo Bait.

I am proud to be his granddaughter.

I am proud to have known a great man.

Four years.

Sometimes, it seems like only yesterday when I found out that Lolo Bait passed away.

I miss you, Lolo...

My Pagsanjan Weekend Getaway

2009-08-08T17:40:00.008+08:00

Ok. I have a feeling that I have to write something intellectual at this point -- given the whole situation with the passing of the former president Corazon Aquino. But bear with me for a moment. Let me share with you my experience with my friends last weekend when we went to Pagsanjan, Laguna.

I got the idea to go to Laguna when I wrote a news-feature on a newly-opened bed & breakfast in Pagsanjan.I was so intrigued by it that I talked my friend (and my food buddy) Emzi into coming with me. She was so excited that she brought along her friend, Angge. It was decided then -- August 1-2, the three of us will go and stay in Villa Doña Luisa and see what Pagsanjan has to offer.

August 1

We met up at the Green Star bus terminal at 9:30AM. Although it was just then that I had met Angge, it was like we've known each other for a while. It was pretty easy for us to get along, we do share something in common -- food. Our journey begins, and so does our non-stop conversations on random things.

After 5 hours of rain, a bus ride, 3 jeepney rides and a free tricycle ride, Emzi, Angge and I finally reached our destination: Villa Doña Luisa in Hocson corner Garcia Street, Pagsanjan, Laguna. We were all very happy and very excited. There we were -- 3 young travelers, hungry, tired, but still ready to explore! We got there, greeted by the administrator in charge, Tita Aileen. She even gave us a tour of the place. It was absolutely wonderful. Like a home away from home. We entered the Luisa Room, which is actually the Master's bedroom there. The vibrant colors simply took my breath away! I was very happy!

After putting our stuff down, we ate a very late lunch. Chopsuey! I loved it! Simply because it was truly lutong bahay. Before going out, my friends and I talked about how we were going to go about the rest of the day. Yes, even the rain wasn't going to hinder us from our adventure!

Upon leaving the bed & breakfast, Emzi, Angge and I just went where our feet would take us. It was like seeing things during the colonial times. The roads, the old-fashioned homes (most particularly the ancestral home of Don Porong Ejercito), the church, the very delicious foods! Everything was just beautiful.

We ate dinner at Dura-Fe Restaurant. Surprise, surprise! We thought we were ordering a la carte; lo and behold, everything we ordered was good for 3-4 people. But hey, we're food lovers, we ate and ate and ate until there was nothing left to eat.

Hehehe. Afterwards, we went to Emma's Kakanin, where we bought so many delicacies. We were even fortunate to meet Lola Emma, who began her kakanin business when she was still 15. More than 6 decades later, I can honestly say, she makes some of the most delicious delicacies!

That wasn't enough, of course. We were intrigued by this place called "Aling Taleng's Halo Halo Since 1933." So we braved the heavy rains and went there. Their halo-halo was really one of the best halo-halos I've ever had! From what I could savor, the ingredients were kaong, tubo, mongo beans, leche flan, macapuno and kondol. Oh! And their milk! Yummy! I can honestly say, your Pagsanjan visit wouldn't be complete if you haven't tried their halo-halo.

We went back to Villa Doña Luisa around 8:00 in the evening. Yes, it was still raining. Walking back to our place, the streets were practically empty, except maybe for a couple of drivers here and there. We didn't mind people were looking at us because we were walking in the rain without our umbrellas.

When we got back to our room, we each took a shower, hopped onto bed and watched television until we slept.

August 2

I woke up at 7:30 in the morning. My sleep was so heavenly. It was just relaxing! I love that feeling of peace when waking up. Emzi and Angge were already awake. I guess I'm just too tired from work the past week that I slept the whole night through.

We only had a few hours left before we go back to Manila so the three of us ate breakfast (once again, delicious lutong bahay), fixed all our stuff and went to the ancestral house next door. Hehehe...our last minute camera-tripping! Around 1:00 in the afternoon, we went to the Green Star bus terminal and head home.

Yey! Such a wonderful weekend!

Next stop: Davao!

REPOST: Ode to the Nice Girls

2009-07-16T05:33:00.004+08:00

by Jessica Leigh Griffith

This is my tribute to the nice girls.

To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

REPOST: Ode to the Nice Guys

2009-07-16T05:30:00.003+08:00

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal.

This is a tribute to the nice guys.

The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

People Watching.

2009-07-11T21:31:00.007+08:00

It's probably one of my favorite past times nowadays.

It gives me that sense of sanity I need in this crazy world I'm living in.

I don't know what it is about watching people and what they do that relaxes me.

I don't know, maybe it's becuase I like thinking about what's really happening in their lives and trying to figure out what's going on in their heads.
I guess, in a way, it helps me in my creative process.

It prevents me from being brain dead, sort of.

It's a good thing I work near Greenbelt.

Such a nice play to hang out and just pass the time.

Lets me be at peace...well, most of the time.

Over the past few days, I've seen interesting people.

Not because they're popular or anything.

From my point of view, they tell me something more than meets the eye.

Oh how I love to watch people.

It gives me something to look forward to.

When it hits me, it hits me hard...

2009-07-11T10:30:00.004+08:00

Every single person in this world waits for love in their life.
Some people say love didn't come to them but it was right in front of their eyes.
Some people wait a lifetime for true love.

I should know, I'm still waiting for my true love.

Is it love or infatuation? That is always my contemplation.
But I started believing the confusion is the first sign of falling in love.
And I've learned that to fall in love is a risk everyone should take.

I admit -- I am afraid.

I am afraid that I will fail to see the one who loves me was standing right in front of me.
I am afraid that he will fail to see that I love him in return.
I am afraid that I am waiting too long to tell him how I feel...because it might be too late then.

Every now and then, I wish it was then instead of now.

So that I can finally say...
When I found you, I felt as if my heart found its destination.
I prayed to God to reveal the person who loves me; He revealed you.

Or maybe I've already met him.

Then I'd be telling him...
You have no idea what you do to me.
And even if you did, you'd probably still do it anyway.

Whatever happens.
Wherever he is.
I truly believe I'll know.

He may not be the most attractive, he may not say all the right words, but when I see him, I'll know because he's the one that can make you smile, laugh, and cry all at the same time.

Blogging on a Sunday.

2009-07-05T16:22:00.006+08:00

It's a Sunday afternoon and I'm feeling restless in this rather rainy day.

I shouldn't be feeling restless. In fact, I should be very busy. But somehow, I'm not. I guess it's because I'm burned out. After months of nothing but work, I finally felt how exhausted I really am from the work I've put in the magazine. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely in love with my job and I wouldn't trade my place with anyone at this point. Unless, of course, that person is the ever-so-wonderful Lea Salonga, then that would be a different story. Hahaha!

The realization just hit me that after a year of working, I have yet to take a vacation. And by vacation, I mean, no worries about work and just plain relaxing. I did plan to use my vacation leave last month but things kept piling up for work that I couldn't possibly go.

So here I am blogging about how tired I am. But then again, I shouldn't really be dwelling on my exhaustion. The real reason why I'm blogging is because I want to make my day productive, to say the least. So that I can go to sleep tonight thinking that I did something worthwhile. Yes, I consider blogging worth my while. It is after all a way for me to vent out whatever it is that bothering me or just share with those who read my blog my emotions.

It's nice to know that I'll always have this blog. Because I can always release whatever is inside me, even if I'm too shy to talk to my family about this or if I'm sad that my best friend is thousands of miles away from me and I can't just go to her.

I've noticed that I haven't really given myself time to relax. Oftentimes, I say I'm going to take a break...only to be followed by me opening my laptop and start working. It's really hard to let go of work. Just last week, I had an impromptu lunch with an old college professor. The first thing he asked me as we were catching up was "Where's your boyfriend?"

And my response was "No time for boyriends, Sir."

I got my share of criticisms about that response. He was, to say the least, appalled. It was as if it was a horrible, tragic news. He kept thinking why after my 23 years of existence I am still without a boyfriend. If I didn't know any better, he's writing a book about why women are single and I'm the subject for that book.

Meanwhile, there I was thinking of ways on how I could divert my professor's attention to something other than my non-existent love life. But my professor is not an easy person to divert attention. He rambled on by enumerating 5 possible reasons why I'm still single.

Too busy with work
Too choosy with guys
Very high standards
I isolate myself
Just blind to see who's really into me

That's just on top of his head. And my response to those five reasons would be these...

Too busy with work. It's not that I only want to work. But there's just a lot of things going on in the office, I barely have time to think for myself let alone entertain the thought of dating. It's not that I don't want to go out on a date. The reason behind it also is that...no one has asked me out and therefore, no date can be arranged.

Too choosy with guys. Like I've mentioned earlier, no one has asked me out. So how could I choose if there's no one to choose from, right?

Very high standards. I beg to defer. I don't have very high standards. What's wrong with looking for a guy who doesn't smoke? Who goes to church every Sunday? Who is my opposite in terms of personality? That's not too much to ask. I just haven't met anyone who "fits the bill." In Steve Harry's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, he wrote about how women have the power over men in terms of...he wouldn't hold your hand if you won't let him; he wouldn't kiss you if your won't let him. So why in heaven's name would a woman relinquish that power just so she could "get some"?

I isolate myself. Ok, so I admit -- I'm a home buddy. But I make sure that once a week, I get together with friends just to hang out. But the thing is, there aren't really any guy friends to get together with. As a matter of fact, I only have one guy friend I get together with and he's one of my closest guy friends. As for my other guy friends, well, not much time to hang out with them. If they're not so busy, they're with their girlfriends...so no luck there.

Just blind to see who's really into me. Oh gosh! I assure you...no one's into me. I give you my word. Guys generally see me as "the best friend" material. There has yet to be a guy who can muster up the guts to even ask me out on a date. If there's such a guy, let me know. Hahaha!

Anyway, I better go. I'll continue my random blogging in my next entry.

Saturday Blogging.

2009-07-04T20:58:00.004+08:00

Too often these days, we get so caught up in the mundane details of our lives that we forget to see the wonder in what we have, in the loves and friendships we find in our lives. We are so busy with our academic loads and our daily jobs that we forget to see the miracles all about us. Weighed down by our every day lives, we forget that fairy tales can come true.

There is magic in love, beauty in friendship. Is it not a miracle that in all the wide world, two people might find each other, fall in love, and spend their lives with one another? Sometimes when life treats us unfairly, when love leaves us broken-hearted, we forget that someday our prince will come. But if we open our hearts to the wonder about us, our own fairy tales can come true.

Believing in the magic in everyday life, seeing that our lives can be fairy tales, doesn't mean that the real world is any less there. Bills still need to be paid, daily jobs must be worked. But happiness is something we choose to have, as much as it is something we find, and when you choose to see the wonder in your life, miracles can happen.

In this world of rent, bills, and jobs, two people might - through a series of amazing coincidences - meet. Become friends. Fall in love. Find in each other they kind of quiet solace and passionate love that is the envy of others.

Untitled.

2009-07-01T22:29:00.004+08:00

Rain...

Softly falling down
each drop a symphony of sound
as it hits the tin roof
tap...tap...tap.

It can sound just like a sad song with a slow beat
the kind that makes you daydream
and feel sad and sigh
as you think of what might of been or could be in your life.

Or maybe it is a happy song that brings back sweet memories
tender thoughts and special smiles
thinking of someone who makes your heart beat faster
and your laughter ring with happiness and joy.

Or maybe it is a love song
with sweet and soft lyrics
tender and romantic and sensual
that makes you think of dancing in the rain.

Only you can decide which song
is the one you are hearing
which music soothes your soul
and which song you want to sing along with.

Sometimes, you have to choose a song
and the choosing isn't easy.

Just One.

2009-06-30T22:12:00.006+08:00

Written on June 29, 2009

In a day, the month of June ends. And if you haven’t noticed it yet, I had no blog entries for the month of June...until now.

Sorry -- I’ve just been too busy the whole month, I barely had time to really sleep. But today, I am making an effort to post an entry. Yes, even as I am working in the office at this very moment, I am really trying to compose an entry in between my mental blocks with writing articles for the magazine.

It is now 4:00 in the afternoon. I’ve basically finished all tasks for the day. But my mind keeps wandering back to the articles I’ve submitted to my editor. At the back of my mind, I can’t help but think if what I’ve written is good enough. Great, after a year of working in the magazine, I still have doubts on my capabilities as a writer. But I think that’s just normal. Then again, maybe I’m just being too hard on myself.

This is bad. I’m just beginning my blog entry and I’m finally sending off negative vibes to people reading my blog. Tsk tsk tsk. I should really stop doing that. So ok. Let me go to the great things that happened this month.

June 6: Mama and Papa celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary
As a married couple, my parents have been together for 33 long years. But what’s more impressive is that they have been each other’s sweethearts for 43 years. Yes, they became a couple when they were still in second year college and have never separated since. Ah yes, now you know why I’m such a hopeless romantic. I love my parents’ love story.

For the first time, Kuya Rom, Kuya Miguel and I went all out for our parents to give them the wedding anniversary of their dreams.

We arranged everything for them. With my Kuya Rom in Los Angeles, it’s up to Kuya Miguel and me to take care of things to be done here. We reserved a hotel room for Mama and Papa at Hotel Celeste in Makati. We gave them pocket money to spend on their date. Kuya Miguel and I met up with Mama and Papa the next day where we ate lunch at Amici and then went to Starbucks for another hour of bonding session.

June 14-21: Tita Connie, Tito Monching and Tina visit
Every time we have a balikbayan, the Franciscos can’t help but go out and eat. It was like a fiesta in my Lola’s house when we ate there for lunch. My Lola can still cook, I tell you! She can still whip up delicious food in the kitchen. At 90, she’ll stop at nothing to prepare a full meal for her balikbayan daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter.

That night, we all went to Julie’s Ihaw-Ihaw at By the Bay. Mmmmm…seafood galore! Oh yes, I’ve definitely gained back the weight I lost when I was confined in the hospital the month before.

The next weekend, Fathers’ Day, we all went out and ate at Luk Foo in Sucat. Definitely ate a lot! Good thing I wasn’t wearing a belt. Hahaha!

Tuesday came...the day before my brother’s birthday. Once again, the Francisco family had a dinner gathering at Dad’s in Glorietta 3. Who wouldn’t be full? It’s eat-all-you-can! Haha!

o O o

Written on June 30, 2009

June 24: Kuya Miguel's birthday
It’s another family day for us as we celebrated Kuya Miguel’s 28th birthday. Just a little birthday celebration for our birthday boy. We ate dinner, courtesy of Kuya Miguel, of course. As usual, we talked about random things. We even talked about who among us siblings would get married first, who would give our parents their first grandchild. Nice!

I bought my brother his favorite cake, Brazo de Mercedes, and gave him t-shirts he liked as my birthday gift. Yes, simple shirts make my brother happy. Of course, his original birthday wish that he wanted me to give him were Playstation 3 and a 32-inch LCD. Ouch! As if I could actually afford that. Oh well, Kuya’s happy with my gift. That’s what matters.

June 27: Alla's post-birthday celebration
Alla celebrated her birthday last June 22. As a celebration with her barkada, Alla met up with me, Euki and Janchang at Powerplant Mall in Rockwell, Makati where we ate dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. Yummy! From starters to the main course, all I can say is, “Sarap!”

After eating dinner at CPK, we decided to stroll around until we ended up eating desserts at Crepes & Cream. Oh yes! My craving for crepes have been satisfied, all thanks to the birthday girl. I distinctly remember that the last time we went out was a post-celebration of my birthday. That was two months ago. I swear, I am not used to going out wearing pants anymore if my company is my barkada. Hahaha! More often than not, I am wearing shorts or miniskirts than pants or pedal pushers. But I love it! I really do.

Yey to Alla for turning another year older!

Yey to great food!

June 28: Till next time
It was the last day of vacation for Tita Connie, Tito Monching and Tina. Once again, it was foodie galore at the House of Lola. From breakfast until dinner, we ate and took pictures and ate and talked about anything and everything.

Unfortunately, that “anything” got me worried. It was absolutely no holds barred for my relatives to ask me. And ask, they did. It’s not as if I didn’t know what they were going to ask me. It’s just that...more often than not, I find myself being unprepared for the predictable question. That time was no excuse. I was still caught off guard when I was asked, “May boyfriend ka na ba?”

Hooboy! And I don’t know if you noticed but that particular Sunday was absolutely dehydrating! It was such a hot day, I went to Lola’s house wearing shorts. Note: I never wear shorts when going to my grandmother’s house. But I had to make an exception. It really was a very hot day. I wasn’t alone -- my cousin, Ate Kriselle, came to the house wearing shorts.

Their flight was scheduled at 10:00 in the evening. Since my relatives checked in early, they didn’t have to go to the airport three hours before their scheduled flight. *Sigh* It’s really heartbreaking to see them leave. It will be a couple of years before I get to see them again.

o O o

11 o’clock in the evening. Well, I guess I should be wrapping things up now.

All in all, those were the highlights of the month. Though I didn’t include the memorable events at work, let me just say that work has been very tough, but still very much enjoyable!

Oh yeah…

Happy anniversary to me!

I’ve been working as editorial assistant at SEAIR InFlight magazine for one year already!

That’s it!

Till next month. I swear, I will be updating my blog as frequently as possible.

This Month of May...

2009-05-30T09:02:00.004+08:00

I wish this would be a happy blog entry. But unfortunately, it's really not. The fact of the matter is...this month of May is my worst month by far this year. Yes, I hate to say it -- but it's really the most depressing month I've been through. How so? Let me count the ways...

May 5-7
These three days were the most excruciating days! It was my first time to be confined in the hospital. I had vertigo, or to put it in medical terms, vestibular neuritis. It was absolutely horrific! To stay in the hospital and be so sick, it was unbearable.

May 20
It was the day my Sony Ericsson C905 got stolen as I was riding home on a bus from Makati to Pasay.

May 21
I couldn't work at all. I was still "grieving" over the loss of my SE C905. What's worse is that I got to talk to the thief who took my phone. I was practically begging for him to meet with me and give me my phone back. And he said, "Tumawag ka ulit mamaya. Pag-iisipan ko." And I did. But he never answered my calls again.

Three reasons why I really hate this month. Just three. But those were days I really broke down. *Sigh* Good thing there are things to look forward to June, such as...

Mama and Papa's 33rd wedding anniversary
Cousin Paolo's 24th birthday
Alla's 23rd birthday
Kuya Miguel's 28th birthday
My first year anniversary at work

A Letter of Letting Go.

2009-05-16T17:57:00.003+08:00

I'm posting one of my old letters. I wrote this three years ago. While I was going through some of my old stuff, I found this and I thought I'd post it. Seems like it's just right to post it now. At this time.

This is a letter I will probably never send to you. What is left of my heart is in this letter, and if only it were as easy as to give you this letter, I would.

I cannot recall a more pleasant time since that day I met you. Everything felt so natural; it's hard for me to identify what it is about you that attracts me so. I suppose it might be the combination of your sense of humor, your charming personality and your good looks. Whatever it is, I can sense it. Call it chemistry, or better yet, the possibility that we are on the same wavelength.

There's just so much about you that I see in you. When I met you, as if by a God-sent blessing, I thought I saw a light of understanding. I wasn't like this before. Before you, I lived a peaceful life. I could go and return home and feel no trouble. But now, I feel I am a disturbed mind and soul.

The truth is...we have shared many good times together. I laughed with you and had some unforgettable moments with you. If only I could figure out why we are like this right now. But after much thought, after much contemplation, I've given in. I've resigned to what we really are -- two people with two separate lives. No more, no less.

Everyday, I am waiting for signs, which sometimes leaves me with hopeless expectations. Every move and every action you make, I interpret. I am like a fool watching every moment of you. So, I let you go.

With that, I say my farewell. I am letting you go. Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine. I choose to embrace it.

For the best.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T07:10:00.001+08:00

From the Hospital and Back.

2009-05-08T20:24:00.003+08:00

For those of you who were wondering why I haven't been online for the past couple of days, well, here I am to tell you what's happened.

Last Monday, I was about to go and meet my friend Nyx at Teriyaki Boy. But as soon as I started walking out of the office, I started to feel very dizzy. Everything around me started to spin. I had to stop and hold on to whatever it is I can get a hold of. I practically wobbled all the way back to my desk just so I can sit down and relax. I tried to open my eyes but I simply cannot focus on anything. So I called home and asked my brother to come and get me at work.

I started to vomit. Everything I ate, I threw up. Disgusting, I know but I couldn't stop. My boss saw me with my face all pale. She called Sir Art to help me get up and lie down on the sofa in the other office. My brother arrived and picked me up. I couldn't even walk. My officemates had to support my every step.

As soon as my brother and I got home, he helped me up to my parents' bedroom and let me sleep. I hoped that with just sleeping, the dizziness and the vomitting would finally stop the next day. I kept thinking about my pending work and what I'm going to do to get it done.

I woke up at 3:00 in the morning, still feeling dizzy, nauseous. I still couldn't see straight. My mom was sleeping beside me and I told her that I still feel sick. That's when they decided to take me to the Emergency Room at Manila Sanitarium Hospital. I wasn't aware of what was going on the whole time but I wasn't stupid either. After a check up on my blood pressure and temperature, I talked to a doctor who asked me about how I was feeling. After telling her what happened to me, she told the nurse to give me a medicine for my dizziness. Just that.

They let me stay for a couple more hours. The vomiting didn't stop either. Nurses and doctors saw me throwing up and nothing. They released me after my mom paid the bill. The doctor advised my parents that I should see an eye doctor and that was it. I was free to go. But as soon as we got in the taxi, I started to vomit again.

When we got home, I went back to my parents' bedroom and went back to rest. After lunch, my parents convinced me to go to Manila Doctors Hospital to get a check up with ENT. The drive from our place to the hospital was simply unbearable. I felt like I was going to vomit anytime.

When I got to the clinic, the doctor, Dr. Elmer dela Cruz said that I had vestibular neuritis. It was an inflammation of eye nerves. Right there, he advised me to be admitted to the hospital so he could observe my conditions. We agreed.

So there I was. For the very first time. In the hospital, confined. And I was there until yesterday.

Today, I'm feeling better than the previous days. Still advised to stay at home to rest until the rest of the week. My gosh! I can't wait to go back to work.

To those who texted me and called me up, thank you so much for the concern.

More Stills from "The Performance"

2009-05-01T08:46:00.007+08:00

They Made Me Sing at Cafe La Carmela.

2009-04-29T00:35:00.012+08:00

It's past midnight and I can't go to sleep. Why? Because my mind kept replaying what happened at Cafe La Carmela. It was probably the craziest thing that's happened to me since I turned 23...and that's only 2 weeks ago.

Crazy! I wasn't prepared for something like this. Last month, I blogged about the 23 things I'd like to do when I turn 23. Number 3 was "Sing a great song in front of an audience." While it wasn't how I envisioned it to be, I still did it. I sang. I sang in front of my officemates and in front of other people I don't know while we were having a birthday dinner celebration for Ms. Joy. I told them I didn't want to do it but my officemates still gave my name to the band.

So when I heard them call my name up on stage, my heart was certainly pounding. I could feel it as if it wants to beat out of my chest. The feeling was terrible. There I was up on stage with my mind absolutely blank. Literally. They asked me what I was going to sing, and I kept telling them, "I don't know." They were throwing random song titles, unfortunately, though I know the song, I couldn't remember the lyrics. It happens when I'm being FORCED to perform in front of a live audience without my knowledge. All of a sudden, the keyboardist started playing the melody of "Through the Fire" -- which made it harder for me because he was playing the original version of the song, while I got used to singing Renee Olstead's version of the Chaka Khan song. Before I knew it, lyrics were come out of my lips...

I look in your eyes and I can see

You love so dangerously

But you're not trusting your heart to anyone...

Hooboy! I am so going to kill my officemates for this! My heart was pounding like crazy. I wanted to leave. But I kept singing, making sure I wouldn't sing out of tune, although I'm sure I had some off-key moments. After the song, I immediately stepped down from the stage and went back to my seat. I could still feel my knees trembling from the nerve-wrecking "performance," if I could call it that. Yes, there's a video. My officemate recorded my stint while I was singing up on stage. But rest assured, no one's ever going to see it. Over my dead body!

Do I cross number 3 out of my list? The verdict: No. First of all, it's not what I wanted to sing. Secondly, it wasn't the song I had in mind when I thought about singing in front of people. So yes, there will be a next time to sing in front of an audience. When that will be, I can't tell yet. But for sure, there will be. And by then, I will be ready and I will be singing with the people I want to be there to hear it.

Hopefully, I can finally rest.

Until next time,

Birthday Aftermath.

2009-04-19T13:58:00.008+08:00

Let me just start this blog entry by thanking everyone for making this year the BEST birthday I have ever celebrated. It was certainly a day to remember. For those of you who don't know, let me just give you a rundown of what transpired during my 23rd birthday...

I prepared a mini-handaan for my officemates from the LEP and InFlight departments. Pancit bihon, fried chicken, mechado and blueberry cheesecake. I made sure that everything was good for 25 people (although we're less than 20 in the department). I was very happy to hear that everyone enjoyed the food and even had enough to let other people get a taste. I distinctly remember people from other departments giving me a praises for the great food. Apparently, because of this I was told by everyone that I'm so ready to be married. Hahaha! As if I've never heard that before. Cooking is, and will always be, a passion of mine. Fret not, this is not the end of home-cooked meals from yours truly.

Although my birthday was a very busy day for me as I had to pull out clothes from Nullah and make sure everything's been handed over to Sir Jocas for their Batanes flight the day after, April 13 was a very eventful day. To my officemates, I love you all to pieces but let me just say, you certainly are a crazy bunch of people! How do I put this in a way where people can clearly visualize? Haha! What you made us do (and by "us," I mean me and Van) is by far the most insane thing ever! The commotion you've caused by your paparazzi moments! Hahahaha! You just wouldn't let up...not give up at all! Hehehe...

Hahaha! I admire your tenacity, LEP people! No, I'm not mad. For sure, it was one of the "highlights" of my birthday celebration. But you've managed to make me blush until the time I went to meet my family to celebrate my birthday with them. Kudos to Van for being a sport at a time when they were ganging up on us.

Here's the real deal...it really was the best birthday ever! Everything was beyond my expectations. Not in a million years did I imagine to have a birthday celebration like this.

So to everyone, thank you all so much for giving me a birthday that's so much more than what I bargained for. I only asked that my special day will be filled with lots of laughter and lots of love. What happened was so much more than I could have ever expected.

Thank you!

Maggie Celebrates Her 23rd Birthday.

2009-04-13T23:54:00.004+08:00

Before the clock strikes midnight, I wish to say to those who...
...have greeted me...
...have shared this day with me...
...have given me several reasons why to love this special day...

Thank you so much for making my 23rd birthday one of, if not the most, memorable days of my life.

My Gift to Bez on Her Birthday...

2009-04-08T22:12:00.003+08:00

It's That Month Again...

2009-04-05T07:10:00.007+08:00

It's the month of April and that means...BIRTHDAYS GALORE! I have to say, this month is probably the second most expensive month for me because I've a lot of friends celebrating their birthdays during the summer heat. Hahaha!

See what I mean?

Woohoo! In a matter of days, I'm celebrating my 23rd birthday. I'm pretty sure my birthday's going to be a day to remember.

Happy Birthday, Kuya Rom!

2009-04-03T16:17:00.005+08:00

Let me just post a very short blog as I greet Kuya Rom...

May you have a fun-filled celebration on your 32nd birthday!

Don't worry, Kuya Rom...

even if you're way up there in Los Angeles and we're way done here in the Philippines...

We'll be celebrating just for you.

Love you lots,

23 Things to Do When I Turn 23.

2009-03-28T22:10:00.008+08:00

Today is March 28th.

Nothing special. To me, it just means that in four days, the month of April will arrive. How time really flies.

It doesn't happen every year that I get to celebrate my birthday on time. Mostly, I celebrate it a few days after since it almost always falls on the Holy Week. So yeah, I'm pretty excited for my birthday. In 16 days, I'll be turning 23 and I can honestly say, this is the most excited I've ever been. I don't even understand why I'm looking forward so eagerly for my birthday. It's a little bit aggravating on my part because I'm scared that I might be "too excited" that when I get to my birthday, I'd be a little too serious on that day.

Then again, I don't think it's going to be like that at all. After all, there are two things I'm excited to do on my birthday for the first time: Prepare birthday lunch handaan for my officemates and treat my family to dinner. Expensive, yes...but I really don't care because it's about spending time with the people you care about, with the people you have fun with, and of course, with people you love.

So I've been thinking about it and I've come up with a list. Of course, there's always a list. Haha! In no particular order, here are the 23 things I'd like to do when I turn 23:

Go to Boracay or Palawan with family
Go to Boracay or Palawan with friends
Sing a great song in front of an audience (Yes, I'd like to be a singing star even for just a couple of minutes)
Buy myself a netbook (Either HP Mini or Dell Mini)
Go to a concert (Eager to go to the David Cook-David Archuleta concert)
Watch a musical (Come on, REP! What do you have for this season?)
Learn how to ice skate (I haven't done it in 10 years)
Learn how to drive
Record an album (Just for fun)
Go on a weekend retreat
Start writing a book
Spend a whole day reading a great novel
Grow my hair longer
Buy really expensive (but uber fantastic) shoes
Meet a celebrity I look up to
Write and op-ed and get published
Learn my blood type (Yes, until now, I have yet to find out what my blood type is)
Start a daily habit of something
Go back to Enchanted Kingdom and be a kid again (It's been so long)
Find a movie buddy and watch new movies at least once a month
Take at least one interesting photo each day
Go somewhere abroad (Just because)
Go on a date (Yeah, I think it's about time...besides, Lola keeps reminding me of my December 2009 deadline)

And there you have it. My 23 things to do when I turn 23 -- I've a year to accomplish those things. I hope I can accomplish them.

Last Song Syndrome: When Did You Fall (In Love with Me)

2009-03-22T10:04:00.005+08:00

When Did You Fall (In Love With Me) - Chris Rice

I just heard this song last night and from the second I heard its melody, I instantly fell in love with it. It's probably one of the best songs I've ever heard. I couldn't stop smiling as I listened to the song. The lyrics of the song spoke to me. It's those kinds of songs that make me want to sing it. *Sigh*

o O o

Chris Rice - When Did You Fall
From the album Amusing

You’re all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile and you turn your eyes away
C’mon, tell me what’s right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody’s talkin’
And there’s something here I’m supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret’s out, and the universe laughs at it’s joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it’s a beautiful surprise

Chorus:
When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let’s rewind
C’mon, let’s go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin’
Well I guess it don’t matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right there before my eyes
You’re my beautiful surprise
(Chorus)

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we’ve got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you’re looking at me
I’d better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

Smiling Like Crazy.

2009-03-13T22:31:00.005+08:00

It's one of those days that I can just say, "I'm so happy, I couldn't stop smiling." Even as I was walking on my way home today, I can't help but smile at the thought that was running through my head.

For those who don't know, it's because of one guy. Yes, the reason for my spontaneous smiles and my everyday giddiness is him. For those who know who "him" is, well, ok, I'll say it. His name is Van.

I've said it before. I feel happy, lighthearted when he's around. Never a day went by when I didn't smile when I saw him at work. He's too darn contagious. When he's around, I could just feel his energy. He's infectious, that's what he is. I can't help laugh at his quirks.

Today, I was so surprised when out of nowhere he gave me ice cream -- Double Dutch. A personal favorite, I might add.

I know I shouldn't too excited over this but the fact that it's happening to me now...every day...I just feel like I'm in a place where I can stay there until the feeling subsides...and the funny thing is that I feel the feeling will never subside. Because he's always around.

I told myself I wouldn't be like this. Be too eager with these feelings. But when I think about it, I keep telling myself, I deserve to feel this happiness. I remember my prayer to God. I asked Him to let me meet someone who can surprise me at work from time to time. And He let me meet someone who surprises me everyday at work. Whether it be he comes in the office and says, "Hey Marge" in his Homer Simpson impersonation...whether it be he says "Kain" as his greeting to me...whether he comes in the office from out of nowhere and makes me jump out of my seat...whether he takes my food and finishes it off and then comes back and gives me food to replace the ones he ate. The point is, he manages to surprise me.

Thank you, God! You really have the best sense of humor.

I'm sorry. I know I've never sounded like this in my blog entries. But this heartwarming feeling inside of me is too much to contain, I just had to let it out and share it with you.

Bottom line: I'm just happy to know someone like Van.